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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graphs below show the percentages of people usingpublic and private transport between 2000 and 2010.

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The
given two line graphs
Correct word order
two line graphs given
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 compare the percentages of
people
Use synonyms
 using public transportation and private
cars
Use synonyms
 over the decade from 2000 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were more
people
Use synonyms
 using private
cars
Use synonyms
 than public transport. The percentages of
people
Use synonyms
 who used public transportation showed a more fluctuating pattern,
while
Linking Words
 the figures
of
Change preposition
for
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 private
cars
Use synonyms
 were relatively more stable. In detail, most of the proportions of
people
Use synonyms
 using public transport did not
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
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 significant changes
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period, except for Brisbane and Sydney. In 2000, the percentage of Brisbane was 10%,
then
Linking Words
 surged to approximately 28% in 2010. For Sydney, its
figure
Use synonyms
 was 20% in 2000,
although
Linking Words
 there were some fluctuations during the process
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 its
figure
Use synonyms
 still rose to 25% in 2010. In terms of the
people
Use synonyms
 using their private
cars
Use synonyms
, Melbourne experienced fluctuations
with It
Punctuation problem
. Its
show examples
figure
Use synonyms
 started at 30% in 2000, decreased to 20% in 2003, returned to 30% in 2007, and dropped back to nearly 20% in 2010. Sydney experienced a change between 2005-2006,
whereas
Linking Words
 its
figure
Use synonyms
 reached a peak at 40%, declined rapidly in 2008 and
remain
Wrong verb form
remained
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 unchanged until 2010. The
last
Linking Words
 three cities represented more stable increases, with Adelaide experiencing the greatest increase
70
Punctuation problem
, 70
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% to 90%
during
Punctuation problem
, during
show examples
 the decade.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, cars, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
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