IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think traffic and housing problems in big cities can be solved by moving companies and their employees to the countryside. Do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

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Many individuals believe that congestion and housing problems in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 can be solved by moving organisations and their workers to the
countryside
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
moving
Punctuation problem
, moving
show examples
association's
Check wording
associations
show examples
 and employees to the
countryside
Use synonyms
 is not the most effective method.
While
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some people say that to solve the congestion
issue
Punctuation problem
issue,
show examples
 big companies and their workers should move to the
countryside
Use synonyms
,
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 not the ideal way to reduce traffic and housing problems. If these companies were moved to rural
areas
Use synonyms
,
congestions
Check wording
congestion
show examples
 and housing issues would
also
Linking Words
 move with them. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
your
Use the right word
you're
show examples
 not solving the problem
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 its root,
such
Linking Words
 as providing free public transport and enforcing laws to stop the market of selling or renting houses at a very high price.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if they were actually moved to rural
Use synonyms
areas
Punctuation problem
areas,
show examples
 pollution would increase in these
areas
Use synonyms
, because more gas would be needed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 big companies consume a lot of electricity that might not be available.
Also
Linking Words
, some
association's
Fix the agreement mistake
associations
show examples
 use a huge amount of data and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 the
countryside
Use synonyms
 can't provide,
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of communication towers.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 the drive to the
countryside
Use synonyms
 would be very long
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 employees would have to wake up earlier to arrive on time to their office,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
thr
Correct your spelling
the
 city they would wake up before their work starts in
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 hour or so. In conclusion,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 not the most effective method to move workers and office heads to the
countryside
Use synonyms
 just to reduce traffic and housing problems. Rural
areas
Use synonyms
 are known for the simple life away from pollution, and if they were moved
there
Punctuation problem
there,
show examples
 it would cause a lot of money to build more
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 and add more communication towers.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more clear in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Do not put too many commas after words like 'While', 'Because', and 'Also'.
task achievement
Give one or two clear examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Explain your solution more fully. You say public transport and house price control, but you need to show how they solve the problem.
task achievement
Check that every sentence answers the question directly.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and a clear conclusion.
task achievement
Your opinion is clear: you disagree with the idea.
task achievement
You include more than one reason for your view.
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