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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

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The bar chart demonstrates the number of males and females from
Asian
Correct article usage
an Asian
show examples
 country who
succeed
Wrong verb form
succeeded
show examples
 in taking
driving
Correct article usage
the driving
show examples
 test from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of women who passed the exam was higher
rather
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
than
Use synonyms
men's
Correct pronoun usage
that of men's
show examples
result
Check wording
results
show examples
. Oppositely, the percentage of
men
Use synonyms
 was relatively stable
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 half of the time period. If in 1980 only 48% of women successfully passed tests,
next
Change preposition
in the next
show examples
 decade it
raised
Verb problem
rose
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 slightly to 52%.
Men
Use synonyms
 who could pass the test was 28% from total amount in 1980;
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 in 1990
this
Linking Words
 percentage increased rapidly to approximately 47%. In
Correct article usage
the 2000s
show examples
2000s
Punctuation problem
2000s,
show examples
 almost 2/3 of women passed driving exams
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 number decreased and reached 63%. In terms of
men
Use synonyms
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of
new
Correct article usage
the new
show examples
 century proportion of
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 test passings showed
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
show examples
 rise and was
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the level of 49%.
Next
Change preposition
Over the next
show examples
 10 years
Linking Words
this
Punctuation problem
, this
show examples
 number remained the same, ending the chart in 2010.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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