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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects- Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is an ongoing debate about learning
history
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 at school, with some arguing that
history
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 is one of the most significant school
subjects
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,
while
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 others believe that
subjects
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 like
science
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 and
technology
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 play a more crucial role in today's rapidly evolving world.
Although
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technology
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 and
science
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 contribute significantly to the
development
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 of
students
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' lives, I firmly believe that
history
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 can
also
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 have
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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impacts
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impact
show examples
 on
students
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' personal and professional growth. Supporters of
history
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 believe that
this
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 subject promotes
students
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' awareness of diverse cultural heritages and traditions.
This
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 promoted knowledge contributes significantly to cultural preservation and the
development
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 of communication skills
while
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 enabling
students
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 to gain valuable lessons about life. Ultimately,
this
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 can result in social cohesion and personal
development
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.
For example
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, learning about a wide range of cultures helps
students
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 express their ideas respectfully in society and engage in constructive conversations with others.
As a result
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, they can interact smoothly and efficiently with people from diverse cultural backgrounds and grow in social settings.
Hence
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, learning about
history
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 can bridge the gap between older and younger generations, protect national identity, and serve as a stepping stone for personal and professional growth.
On the other hand
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, critics argue that
subjects
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 like
science
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 and
technology
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 enable children to deepen their understanding of various aspects of life, including healthy lifestyles, the environment, and new developments in
technology
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.
This
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 deepened understanding allows
students
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 to improve living standards and develop essential skills,
such
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 as critical thinking, creativity, and problem-solving, resulting in both interpersonal and social
development
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.
For instance
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, learning about artificial intelligence tools can act as a catalyst for
students
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 to achieve long-term benefits in their educational and future lives, mainly because these tools play a vital role in various occupations and help
students
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 learn various
subjects
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 on their own.
Thus
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, learning about
science
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 and
technology
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 can provide
students
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 with unique opportunities to enhance their quality of life and develop vital abilities.
To sum up
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, from my perspective,
while
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 learning about
technology
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 and
science
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 can lead to beneficial outcomes, learning about
history
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 can
also
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 play a significant role in both personal and professional
development
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.
Therefore
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, it is essential that individuals adopt a balanced approach to these
subjects
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 to achieve more substantial results.

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task response
Make your own view more clear in the end. You say history is very important, but your last line asks for balance. This makes your view a bit less strong.
task response
Give one more direct example for history. Your science example is clear, but the history side would be stronger with a real place, event, or school case.
task response
Some ideas are a bit broad, like personal and professional growth. Explain how this happens in one simple step.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow because each body part has one main idea. Keep this clear paragraph plan.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, but there are many long sentences. Add a few shorter sentences to make your points easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
A few repeats like personal and professional growth and development make the flow less fresh. Use simpler different words or cut repeats.
task response
You answer both sides of the topic and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are both present and fit the essay well.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas move in a clear order from one paragraph to the next.
task response
The science and technology paragraph has a relevant and modern example.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical context
  • cultural heritage
  • societal development
  • scientific advancements
  • technological innovations
  • economic growth
  • global challenges
  • educational curriculum
  • interdisciplinary approach
  • innovation-driven economy
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