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Writing Samples
Band 7

Bar Graph The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instruments in 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
students
Use synonyms
 learning to play 4 different instruments in 2005, 2010, and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the largest
proportion
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 of
students
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 learned the
guitar
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 in 2015;
by contrast
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, the lowest
percentage
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 of learners played the drums in 2005 and 2010. In 2005, around 11 per
cent
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 of
students
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 learning the piano. After 5 years, the rate increased by almost 10
percentage
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 points. Until 2015, it reached its peak at almost 40 per
cent
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. As for
guitar
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, nearly 10 per
cent
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 of them were participating in learning in 2005. Afterwards, the
percentage
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 grew as well. In 2010, roughly 18 per
cent
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 of
students
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 were learning
guitar
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.
Additionally
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, the largest
proportion
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 of
students
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 learned the
guitar
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 in 2015, which was 40 per
cent
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
proportion
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 of drums remained the lowest in 2005 and 2010, only 5 per
cent
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 of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 were learning.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it rose
gentally
Correct your spelling
gently
 and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
almost 10 per
cent
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 in 2015. In the case of
violin
Correct article usage
the violin
show examples
, the figures were different
than
Change preposition
from
show examples
 others. In 2005, approximately 10 per
cent
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 of
students
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 were learning violin,
while
Linking Words
 it dropped by 2
percentage
Use synonyms
 points in 2010. In 2015, the
proportion
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 continue declined and reached its lowest point at around 5 per
cent
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, students, guitar, percentage, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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