IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

There have been some problems with the bus service, especially its reliability, in your area over the last two weeks. Write a letter to the manager of the bus company. In your letter • describe what the problems are • explain how these problems are affecting you • suggest what you would like the company to do You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear ...........,

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Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my concern about the unreliability of
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
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 service on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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route 12 in my neighbourhood, which
got worse
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has worsened
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 in the past three weeks.
Firstly
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,
i take
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I have been taking
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this
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 bus on
daily
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a daily
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 basis for almost six years
, everything
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. Everything
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 was normal
but
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, but
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 since the
distirct
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district
 where
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 live has extended, there are not enough
buses
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 for
this
Linking Words
 amount of people, the
buses
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 are very crowded
and
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, and
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 they are driving very
slow
Replace the word
slowly
 because of traffic
congestions
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congestion
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.
Secondly
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, even if I wake up earlier l am late at work
beacause
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because
buses
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 are coming rarely and moving slowly.
Moreover
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, there are lots of people
and
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, and
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 for
me
Add a comma
me,
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 it is an enormous problem.
Additionally
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, in the summer is very hot
in public transports,
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;
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 an AC I think would be a pleasure. I would appreciate it if you
will
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would
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 take my words
in
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into
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 consideration and
will
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apply
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make any changes, and there will be more
buses
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 in circulation. I look forward to
hearng
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hearing
 from you and that
this
Linking Words
probiem
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problem
 will be solved. Yours faithfully, Alex

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task response
Give a little more clear detail about the problem. For example, say how long you wait for bus 12 and how often it is late.
task response
Make your request more direct. Ask the company to put more buses on route 12 and add air conditioning in summer.
task response
Keep a formal style. Use “I would be grateful if you could...” instead of “I think would be a pleasure.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Put crowded buses and hot buses in one paragraph, and late arrival at work in another.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas. For example: “As a result, I am often late for work.”
coherence and cohesion
Check the opening detail. The task says the last two weeks, but your letter says the past three weeks. Keep these details the same.
task response
You cover all three parts: the bus problems, how they affect you, and what the company should do.
coherence and cohesion
The letter has a clear start, two main parts, and a polite ending. Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, and “Moreover” help the reader follow your ideas.
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