IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The given bar graph provides details on the percentage of british people giving money to charity in two different year

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The graph
,
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 provides information on the
percentage
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 of British people donating money to
charity
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 in 2 different years.
Overall
Linking Words
,it is clearly evident that people aged 35 to 50 demonstrate the highest
percent
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percentage
 of people giving money to
charity
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 , especially in 1990,
whereas
Linking Words
 individuals between 18 and 25 years old remained the lowest
percentage
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 of donating , particularly in 2010. Turning the figures for
ages
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 18 to 25, it can be seen that in 1990
percentage
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 of donations
,
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 stood at 15 percent which was considerably higher than in 2010, with 5 per
cent
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the data for
ages
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 26 to 35 reveals different numbers, despite the fact that at 25 per
cent
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 in 2010, the number witnessed a dramatic surge, peaking at 30 per
cent
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 by 1990.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of Britons donating to
charity
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 between the
ages
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 of 36 and 50 recorded the highest figure at 40 per
cent
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 in 1990
,
Punctuation problem
;
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on the other hand
Linking Words
 , by 2010
percentage
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 experienced a marginal decline from 40 to 35 per
cent
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. almost similar with
ages
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 51 to 65 exhibited a similar pattern, with 35 per
cent
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 by 1990, on the other side of the coin, in 2010
percentage
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 of donating rose up to roughly 38 per
cent
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.
ages
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 older than 65, followed closely by
ages
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 from 51 to 65 , with 32 per
cent
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of
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donating to
charity
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 in 1990 and 35 per
cent
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 by 2010.

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, charity, ages, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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