The chart shows the percentage of women and men in one Asian country who passed when they took their driving test between 1980 and 2010.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
The chart illustrates the proportion of driving
test
Fix the agreement mistake
tests
show examples
passed by males and
females
Use synonyms
in an asian country. It is clear
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
from the graph that
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
number of women
drivers
Use synonyms
passed the test compared to the
men
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
figure shown by
men
Use synonyms
is only 50 % in
years
Check wording
the year
show examples
2000 .In comparison to
this
Linking Words
women
Punctuation problem
, women
show examples
peaked at 69 % in the same year.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the word
However
show examples
, in
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
the percentage reported by women
drivers
Use synonyms
was 65%
still
Punctuation problem
, still
show examples
higher than the one
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
by
men
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, only 30
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
of males passed the test in 1980.In
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
year lowest value was reported by
females
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
that is
Linking Words
49 percent still 19 per cent higher than male.In 1990 value reported by
females
Use synonyms
was 50 per cent
still
Punctuation problem
, still
show examples
greater than the numbers reported by male
drivers
Use synonyms
In conclusion,we must document that
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
are good
drivers
Use synonyms
in
this
Linking Words
asian state.Ultimately,
tests
Check wording
the number of tests
show examples
passed by
females
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
higher in numbers compared to
men
Use synonyms
.It may be
due to
Linking Words
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
driving skills of male individuals.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words females, drivers, men with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: