IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Employers should give their staff at least four-weeks’ holiday a year to help employees get better at their jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Some people argue that employers should provide their
workers
Use synonyms
 with at least four weeks of annual leave because
this
Linking Words
 can improve job performance. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 view, as sufficient
holiday
Use synonyms
 time protects
employees
Use synonyms
’ health, increases productivity, and creates a more motivated workforce.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, regular holidays allow
employees
Use synonyms
 to recover from the physical and mental pressure of work. In many modern jobs, people face long hours, tight deadlines, and constant communication through technology. Without enough time away from these demands,
workers
Use synonyms
 may become exhausted, stressed, and less able to concentrate.
For example
Linking Words
, an accountant who works continuously during busy financial periods may start making careless mistakes if they never have proper rest.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a reasonable amount of annual leave can help
employees
Use synonyms
 return to work with clearer minds and better focus.
Moreover
Linking Words
, giving staff at least four weeks’
holiday
Use synonyms
 can benefit employers
as well as
Linking Words
employees
Use synonyms
. Rested
workers
Use synonyms
 are often more creative, efficient, and loyal to their organisations. When
employees
Use synonyms
 feel that their company values their well-being, they are more likely to work hard and remain committed in the long term.
In contrast
Linking Words
, businesses that offer very little
holiday
Use synonyms
 may experience higher staff turnover, low morale, and reduced productivity.
For instance
Linking Words
, companies with generous leave policies often attract skilled applicants because they are seen as supportive and professional workplaces. In conclusion, I fully agree that
employees
Use synonyms
 should receive a minimum of four weeks’
holiday
Use synonyms
 each year. Far from being a waste of company time, adequate leave helps
workers
Use synonyms
 maintain their health, improve their performance, and develop stronger loyalty to their employers.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, annual holidays should be regarded as an investment in workplace success.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give a strong view from the start. To make it even better, add one more short idea about why long leave helps people learn new skills at work.
task response
For task response, your examples are good, but they are a bit general. Try to give one more real and clear example to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay is easy to follow because each paragraph has one main idea. To improve more, you can use a wider mix of linking words, not only 'to begin with' and 'moreover'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your ideas connect well, but you can make the link between holiday time and getting better at jobs more direct in each body paragraph.
task response
For task response, you answer the question fully and your opinion is very clear all the way through the essay.
task response
For task response, your main ideas about health, work speed, and loyalty are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, each paragraph is well organised and the ideas move in a logical order.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job performance
  • work-life balance
  • stress reduction
  • burnout prevention
  • loyalty
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • motivation
  • morale
  • reinvigorated
  • employee attraction
  • staff turnover
  • well-being
  • competitive
  • productivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: