IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is beneficial for both employers and employees if employees are given longer holidays away from work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
It is often argued that
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 vacation is substantially beneficial for both
employers
Use synonyms
 and
employees
Use synonyms
. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because extended
vacations
Use synonyms
 can increase
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employees
Check wording
employees'
show examples
 mental well-being and
employers
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 can maintain a good
relationship
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 with
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, the primary reason why I support
this
Linking Words
 view is that
Use synonyms
job
Correct your spelling
jobholders
holders
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 usually spend lots of time in their workplace. If they get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longer
vacations
Use synonyms
 from the workplace, it will increase their mental well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Amazon company offers 6 weeks
annual
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of annual
show examples
 leave for his employeers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
Linking Words
 incentive
already has
Correct word order
has already
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 increased the positive outcome from their
job
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holders
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, extended
vacations
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are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not only provide
benefit
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benefits
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 for
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employees
Check wording
employees'
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 mental well-being, it
also
Linking Words
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
 them a suficiant time to spend with their families.
As a result
Linking Words
, when they come back from their
holidays
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, they perform
outstanding
Replace the word
outstandingly,
 which eventually
makes the
Verb problem
brings
show examples
 benefits
for
Change preposition
to
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 the company owner.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is important for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers
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 to give longer
holidays
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 to
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
employees
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it is crucial to consider that extended
vacations
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 can maintain a good
relationship
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 with
employees
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. It will provide the most satisfaction for the
employees
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 reflect on their
works
Check wording
work
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, the UK business owners receive the best effort from their
employees
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 who return from their longer
holidays
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
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job
Correct your spelling
jobholders
holders
Use synonyms
 prefer to work in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 most effective way and follow their
Use synonyms
employers
Check wording
employers'
show examples
 instructions. If
employeers
Correct your spelling
employers
 have a good
relationship
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 with their workers, they usually do not think to leave the company as they believe
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they are getting the value for their work.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is beneficial for
emplopyeers
Correct your spelling
employers
 to allow
employees
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 to have an extended
Use synonyms
vacations
Fix the agreement mistake
vacation
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly reiterate my agreement with the idea that longer
holidays
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are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not only increase
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job
Check wording
jobholders'
show examples
holders
Use synonyms
 mental well-being but
also
Linking Words
 maintain a good
relationship
Use synonyms
 with their
employers
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 significantly beneficial for both
employers
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 and
employees
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Put one clear point first, then explain it.
task response
Add more real and clear examples. Your examples now are a bit general and may not feel fully true.
task response
Explain more how longer holidays help employers, not only workers. This will make your answer more complete.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some parts repeat the same idea.
coherence cohesion
Check noun and pronoun use like 'his employees' and 'their employees' to keep the meaning clear.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main point. This will help the essay flow better.
task response
You clearly answer the question and show a strong opinion from the start.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow, and the order is logical.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples and results.
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