It is beneficial for both employers and employees if employees are given longer holidays away from work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is often argued that
longer
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a longer
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vacation is substantially beneficial for both
employers
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and
employees
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. I completely agree with
this
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statement because extended
vacations
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can increase
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employees
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employees'
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mental well-being and
employers
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can maintain a good
relationship
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with
his
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their
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employees
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. First and foremost, the primary reason why I support
this
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view is that
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job
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jobholders
holders
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usually spend lots of time in their workplace. If they get
a
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apply
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longer
vacations
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from the workplace, it will increase their mental well-being.
For instance
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, the Amazon company offers 6 weeks
annual
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of annual
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leave for his employeers
and
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, and
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this
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incentive
already has
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has already
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increased the positive outcome from their
job
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holders
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.
In addition
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, extended
vacations
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are
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apply
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not only provide
benefit
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benefits
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for
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employees
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employees'
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mental well-being, it
also
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gives
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give
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them a suficiant time to spend with their families.
As a result
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, when they come back from their
holidays
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, they perform
outstanding
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outstandingly,
which eventually
makes the
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brings
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benefits
for
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to
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the company owner.
Thus
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, it is important for
the
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apply
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employers
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to give longer
holidays
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to
his
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their
show examples
employees
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.
Furthermore
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, it is crucial to consider that extended
vacations
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can maintain a good
relationship
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with
employees
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. It will provide the most satisfaction for the
employees
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that
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who
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reflect on their
works
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work
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.
For example
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, the UK business owners receive the best effort from their
employees
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who return from their longer
holidays
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.
In addition
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,
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job
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jobholders
holders
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prefer to work in
a
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the
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most effective way and follow their
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employers
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employers'
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instructions. If
employeers
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employers
have a good
relationship
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with their workers, they usually do not think to leave the company as they believe
,
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apply
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they are getting the value for their work.
Therefore
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, it is beneficial for
emplopyeers
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employers
to allow
employees
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to have an extended
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vacations
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vacation
show examples
. In conclusion, I firmly reiterate my agreement with the idea that longer
holidays
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are
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apply
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not only increase
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job
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jobholders'
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holders
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mental well-being but
also
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maintain a good
relationship
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with their
employers
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which
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, which
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are
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is
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significantly beneficial for both
employers
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and
employees
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.

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task response
Make your main idea more clear in each body part. Put one clear point first, then explain it.
task response
Add more real and clear examples. Your examples now are a bit general and may not feel fully true.
task response
Explain more how longer holidays help employers, not only workers. This will make your answer more complete.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some parts repeat the same idea.
coherence cohesion
Check noun and pronoun use like 'his employees' and 'their employees' to keep the meaning clear.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main point. This will help the essay flow better.
task response
You clearly answer the question and show a strong opinion from the start.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow, and the order is logical.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples and results.
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