IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line chart below shows the employment rate in four different industries in Australia from 1985 to 2015, in five-year intervals. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The aforementioned graph
outline
Correct subject-verb agreement
outlines
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 the changes
of
Change preposition
in
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employment
Use synonyms
 in different fields in years ranging from 1985 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
 , it is noticeable that most
of
Change preposition
apply
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industries were increasing.
While
Linking Words
 one of them was decreasing over the years. Getting back into the details , in 1985, the
employment
Use synonyms
 rates were close to each other in all specialities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 under 20%. In 1990, healthcare
employment
Use synonyms
 proportions surpassed others and increasd into 25% .
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 1995, there was a clear
growrth
Correct your spelling
growth
 in both construction and the technology fields, and
retail
Correct article usage
the retail
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 sector reached its peak with around 22% of
occupation
Correct article usage
the occupation
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rate
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2000 ,
Use synonyms
employment
Correct article usage
the employment
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rate
Use synonyms
 of retail speciality fall into 20%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 2015,
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
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employment
Use synonyms
rate
Use synonyms
registred
Correct your spelling
registered
 the
highiset
Correct your spelling
highest
 value
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 was around 60%,
while
Linking Words
 both construction and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology proportion was similar to each other
approxmaility
Correct your spelling
approximately
.
in
Capitalize the proper name
In
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 the same year retail occupation
rate
Use synonyms
 drop into less than 10%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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