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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK (expressed in percentage terms). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant The graph below shows the changing patterns of access to modern technology in homes in the UK (expressed in percentage terms). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

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The line graph illustrates usages of four different modern
Use synonyms
technology
Fix the agreement mistake
technologies
show examples
 in houses in the UK.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
CD
Correct article usage
the CD
show examples
 player is the most accessed new
technology
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 internet access is the least used modern
technology
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 it has a considerable
grow
Replace the word
growth
 throughout the period from1996/7 to 2002/3.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there is a steady growing pattern of access to
CD
Correct article usage
a CD
show examples
 player from %60 to %80. Accessing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mobile
phone
Check wording
phones
show examples
 increased dramatically from %20 to over-60% and was approximately threefold in 2002/3. H computer was the second most accessed new
technology
Use synonyms
 in 1997/1997, eventhough steady increase over
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the
period
Punctuation problem
period,
show examples
it reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 approximately 60% and became the third most used modern
technology
Use synonyms
 in 2002/3.
Finally
Linking Words
, internet access
wan't
Correct your spelling
wasn't
accessiable
Correct your spelling
accessible
 in 1996/7 and
baceme
Correct your spelling
became
 accessible after 2 years
later
Rephrase
apply
show examples
and
growed
Wrong verb form
grew
show examples
 dramatically in
following
Correct article usage
the following
show examples
 years. It jumped from 10% in 1998/99 to 40% in 2002/3, which was four
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 as much as bigger than %10 in 1998/99.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words technology with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Adoption rate
  • Accessibility
  • Trend
  • Decline
  • Plateau
  • Analysis
  • Compare
  • Technological advancement
  • Consumer behavior
  • Economic factors
  • Correlation
  • Percentage
  • Rapid increase
  • Initial percentage
  • Steady growth
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