IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many cities, the use of video cameras in public places is being increased in order to reduce crime, but some people believe that these measures restrict our individual freedom. Do the advantages of video surveillance outweigh the disadvantages?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
In today's rapidly evolving world, governments are increasingly using
security
Use synonyms
cameras
Use synonyms
 in public places to control crime in many cities,
while
Linking Words
 some argue that these measures can have a negative impact on individuals'
freedom
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
such
Linking Words
 measures can limit
people
Use synonyms
's
freedom
Use synonyms
, they can mitigate social challenges and make public places more secure for
people
Use synonyms
 to spend quality time with their friends and family.
Therefore
Linking Words
, their benefits outweigh the drawbacks. One of the major benefits of video
cameras
Use synonyms
 is that they contribute significantly to promoting public
security
Use synonyms
, which allows
people
Use synonyms
 to participate in various outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as walking,
socializing
Change the spelling
socialising
show examples
, and visiting parks without fear of antisocial individuals.
As a result
Linking Words
, their stress levels regarding social issues can be reduced significantly, and they feel a strong sense of
security
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
cameras
Use synonyms
 in public places, particularly parks, can reduce the risks of crimes threatening young
people
Use synonyms
, including drug abuse, thereby decreasing parents' stress about
such
Linking Words
 crimes.
For instance
Linking Words
, the widespread use of
cameras
Use synonyms
 in museums has significantly decreased theft and improved their
security
Use synonyms
, which has led to maintaining historical items under safe conditions.
Hence
Linking Words
,
security
Use synonyms
cameras
Use synonyms
 can play an indispensable role in reducing crime and enhancing public
security
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, excessive use of video
cameras
Use synonyms
 can give
people
Use synonyms
 a strong sense of insecurity, which can restrict their outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
, resulting in a society where
people
Use synonyms
 feel they are controlled by others.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to prefer overreliance on indoor
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as browsing social media and watching TV, encouraging a sedentary lifestyle and increasing the risks of health issues,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity.
In addition
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
cameras
Use synonyms
 require a huge investment in updating their
security
Use synonyms
 systems, repairs, and great digital infrastructure, which can limit financial resources for other important social services,
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare and public transport.
For example
Linking Words
,
security
Use synonyms
cameras
Use synonyms
 in Iran have significantly reduced
people
Use synonyms
's tendency to visit parks and
socialize
Change the spelling
socialise
show examples
 with their friends, mainly because they
penalize
Change the spelling
penalise
show examples
 every action without considering
people
Use synonyms
's rights, including
freedom
Use synonyms
in clothes
Change preposition
of clothing
show examples
.
Thus
Linking Words
, overdependence on
security
Use synonyms
cameras
Use synonyms
 can not only pose a threat to human rights but
also
Linking Words
 place a burden on the government's budget.
To sum up
Linking Words
, from my perspective,
while
Linking Words
 video
cameras
Use synonyms
 can improve a community's
security
Use synonyms
 and considerably reduce crime, they can
also
Linking Words
 have a negative impact on
people
Use synonyms
's
freedom
Use synonyms
 and rights by restricting their outdoor
activities
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, the issues can be mitigated by wise regulations.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the advantages of the trend can outweigh the disadvantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
For task response: answer the question in a more direct way in each body part. Show more clearly why the good side is stronger than the bad side.
task response
For task response: some ideas are good, but a few points are too broad. Add one more clear and real example to make your view stronger.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: your essay has a clear order, but some long sentences make the meaning less easy to follow. Use shorter sentences in some parts.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: linking words are used well, but do not use too many in every line. Keep them natural.
task response
For task response: you answer both sides and give your opinion clearly.
task response
For task response: your main ideas are relevant to the topic and mostly well explained.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: the essay has a clear introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: each paragraph has one main idea, so the essay is easy to follow.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • video surveillance
  • crime deterrent
  • law enforcement
  • privacy infringement
  • public safety
  • evidence
  • surveillance abuse
  • secure environment
  • citizen oversight
  • data misuse
  • budget constraints
  • false sense of security
What to do next:
Look at other essays: