SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT VIOLENCE ON TELEVISION AND IN COMPUTER GAMES HAS A DAMAGING EFFECT ON THE COCIETY. OTHERS DENY THAT THESE FACTORS HAVE ANY SIGNIFICANT INFLUENCE ON PEOPLE’S BEHAVIOUR. WHAT IS YOUR OPINION ?

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In today's era, the effects of
violence
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that is
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shown on television and in computer games on
society
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have become a subject of considerable debate.
While
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some
people
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argue that seeing
violence
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on these platforms may harm
society
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;
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,
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others , including myself, reject
this
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argument and believe these exposures to
violence
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do not influence
people
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to any significant degree. Regarding the major concern about
this
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topic, prolonged exposure to crime and
violence
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may encourage young
individuals
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,
such
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as
children
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, to imitate what they see.
Although
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this
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notion is partially true to some extent, it is
also
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worth mentioning that parents of these
children
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have the responsibility to monitor and supervise what their
children
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watch.
Furthermore
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, the poor parenting of
such
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individuals
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should not restrain the content that other
people
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consume since
individuals
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of
sociaty
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society
, apart from
children
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, are capable of distinguishing fiction from reality.
Secondly
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, I highly believe that exposure to these contents has benefits for
the
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apply
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society
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,
although
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it may seem counterintuitive at first. Consuming violent content decreases humans' natural desires for
violence
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.
For instance
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, playing war-themed computer games provides a safe virtual environment for
people
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to fulfil these desires without harming or endangering anyone.
Additionally
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, seeing the consequences of these violent activities might teach
individuals
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the damage done
due to
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these actions, thereby increasing
society
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's awareness of
violence
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. In conclusion, whilst exposure to
violence
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has some bad influence on
society
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,
especialy
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especially
to
children
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, the benefits highly outweigh the disadvantages.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in each body part.
task response
Add one more clear example to support your ideas.
task response
Explain more why games and TV do not change behavior much.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so each idea flows well.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last line match your opinion fully.
task response
You answer both sides and give your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end.
task response
You use an example about war games to support your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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