You Are Looking for A Part-Time Job. Write a Letter to An Employment Agency. In Your Letter:- Introduce Yourself. Explain What Sort of Job You Would Like. And Say What Experience and Skills You Have

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Dear Mr Ajik, My name is Wahyu. I am 22 years old , and I am from West Lombok. I am a master's student at Mataram University for the
last
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semester , and my major is Mechanical
motor
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Engineering
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. I really like being a mechanic, because that was my hobby when I was a child.
Besides
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, my parents support my hobby.
That is
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why I really love it.
Moreover
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, I was studying about that. I have a number of experiences,
such
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as repairing
inside
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apply
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the engine.
For example
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, repair the giant vehicle, and cover a lot of requests from the customer.
That is
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why I feel confident about applying for
this
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job. And
then
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, I can handle many custom orders from the owner of cars or
motorcycles
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motorcycle owners
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for adding speed to their
apparatus
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vehicles
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. I really appreciate it if the company can accept me to join your team, and I would like to say thank you very much for reading my letter. Best regards, Wahyu

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task response
Task response: You answer all parts, but say more about the part-time job you want, like days, hours, and place.
task response
Task response: Use a more formal tone. Write 'I am writing to apply for a part-time job' instead of very personal lines.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Put your ideas in a clearer order: introduce yourself, say the job you want, then give your skills and work history.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some links are used too much, like 'That is why'. Use simple links like 'also', 'because', and 'for example'.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Keep one main idea in one paragraph. Your second paragraph mixes hobby, parents, and study.
task response
Task response: You cover the three main points in the task.
task response
Task response: Your skills and past work are clear enough to show why you fit the job.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The letter has a clear opening and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Most ideas are easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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