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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart below shows the different levels of post-school qualifications in Australia and the proportion of men and women who held them in 1999.

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The bar chart outlines the various levels of post-school qualifications in
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
 country and the
Use synonyms
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 who held them in 1999.Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
proportion
Correct article usage
the proportion
show examples
 of
male
Check wording
males
show examples
 in
skilled
Correct article usage
the skilled
show examples
vocation
Replace the word
vocational
 diploma sector was more than female group,
whereas
Linking Words
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had the lowest proportion in that sector.
Female
Correct article usage
The female
show examples
 group had the highest
figure
Use synonyms
 for
undergraduate
Correct article usage
the undergraduate
show examples
 diploma. Looking at the details, the proportion of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in skilled vocational
diploma
Check wording
diplomas
show examples
 stood at 90%,
while
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
at
Verb problem
stood at
show examples
 10%.Turning to masters degree, only 60% of men reached 60%,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
figure
Correct article usage
the figure
show examples
 for
women
Use synonyms
 was 40%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the highest percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 was
undergraduduated
Replace the word
undergraduate
, accounting for 70%,
whereas
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 with bachelor's degrees followed the highest
figure
Use synonyms
, at 50%.
Women
Use synonyms
 with masters degree was for 40%,
while
Linking Words
 the number of men was more than female, represent it 60%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words figure, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • post-school qualifications
  • proportion
  • bachelor degrees
  • vocational diplomas
  • certificates
  • gender divide
  • educational trends
  • higher education
  • qualifications
  • disparities
  • predominantly
  • patterns
  • trends
  • illustrates
  • distribution
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