IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

If all workers in a company were paid exact same wage regardless of job role there would be much more harmony and cooperation between staff. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Many
peolpe
Correct your spelling
people
 believe that
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 same salary regardless of
employee's
Correct article usage
an employee's
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 role and their qualification in
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace
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 can create a more
cooaprative
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cooperative
 and cohesive space for all employees to achieve their goals. I am
fo
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of
 the opinion that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 a balanced approach should be followed,
while
Linking Words
 the staff should be rewarded
due to
Linking Words
 their efforts, the
wage's diffrences
Correct your spelling
wage differences
 must be fair. One of the most important criteria for
ecognizing
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recognising
 and rewarding people's hard
work
Use synonyms
 can be the range of the salary that they have been
paied
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paid
.
Therefore
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for
Punctuation problem
, for
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 achieving a better outcome from
staffs
Check wording
staff
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, variable payment can encourage them to
a
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apply
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improve their performance. Since
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 when
each
Verb problem
does each
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 one see that
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 efforts and hard
work
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been paid off in a
fairfull
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fair
 way, motivate their colleagues
for trying
Wrong verb form
to try
show examples
 harder to be appritiated same as their co-worker.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
different
Correct article usage
a different
show examples
 range of income in a company can act as a leverage for
increseing
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increasing
overall
Linking Words
 productivity, when workers set
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 salary as a target to raise their job abilities.
Linking Words
on
Capitalize the word
On
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 the other hand,
wide
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a wide
show examples
 range of payment between colleagues can lead to the co-workers'
rivarly
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rivalry
 and has gradually destroyed team
sprit
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spirit
 and
collabration
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collaboration
 among them.
While
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 each member should earn
due to
Linking Words
 their skills and experiences, a significant difference
earning
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in earnings
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 between managers and entry-levels employee can lead to
the
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apply
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constant fatigue and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of motivation in the long-run. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 strategy
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a strong belief among employee that, no matter how hard they
work
Use synonyms
 , the outcome
remain
Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
show examples
 the same; so, companies
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their productivity day by day. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 employees should be paid
depend
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 abilities and efforts to be encouraged for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hard
work
Use synonyms
, a large gap between colleagues' salaries can contribute to the opposite response and lead workers to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
persistent
exhustion
Correct your spelling
exhaustion
 and decreased enthusiasm.

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task response
Overall score: 5. Your answer is on topic, but your view should be stronger and clearer. Say early if you mostly agree, mostly disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Explain the key idea more fully: equal pay may improve peace, but it may also feel unfair when jobs need more skill, carry more risk, or have more duty.
task response
Give one clear example. For example, a manager and a new worker should not get the same pay because their work, skill, and duty are not the same.
task response
Some ideas are not fully clear. For example, say how fair pay can support team work, not only how a large pay gap can hurt it.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. Body 1 can explain why pay should be different. Body 2 can explain why the gap should not be too large.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part starts with one short sentence, then moves to a new point. Join these ideas into one full paragraph with a topic sentence and clear support.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words more carefully. Do not put a comma after “Since” or “While” when it is not needed. Also, begin “On the other hand” with a capital letter.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “hard work”, “salary”, and “productivity” too much. Use simple other words such as “pay”, “effort”, “work”, and “results”.
task response
You give a clear main view: pay should be fair, but not the same for all workers.
task response
You discuss both sides: different pay can make people work harder, but a very large pay gap can harm team work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use link words such as “Therefore”, “Consequently”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmony
  • cohesion
  • financial incentive
  • productivity
  • equity
  • organizational culture
  • highly skilled professionals
  • innovation and competitiveness
  • redistribution of tasks
  • job satisfaction
  • meritocracy
  • contributions and achievements
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