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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that children should spend some of their free time doing activities without their families.

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In recent years, many people have argued that
children
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 should begin learning a foreign
language
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 during primary
school
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. I completely agree with
this
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 view because young
children
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 learn
languages
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 more easily
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 early
language
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 education improves future career opportunities.
This
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 essay will discuss these reasons in detail. One of the primary reasons why I agree is that
children
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 are naturally better at learning new
languages
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. At a young age, their brains can absorb pronunciation and grammar more easily than adults.
For example
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, many bilingual
children
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 become fluent because they begin learning a second
language
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 during their early
school
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 years.
Therefore
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, introducing foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 in primary
school
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 can significantly improve
language
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 proficiency. Another reason why I support
this
Linking Words
 view is that learning a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 at an early age can improve future career prospects. Many multinational companies prefer employees who can communicate in more than one
language
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.
For instance
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, professionals who are fluent in English and another
language
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 often have access to a wider range of job opportunities.
As a result
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, early
language
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 education can provide long-term personal and professional benefits. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
children
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 should begin learning foreign
languages
Use synonyms
 in primary
school
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 because they acquire
languages
Use synonyms
 more effectively at a young age and gain valuable advantages in their future careers.
Therefore
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, schools should encourage early
language
Use synonyms
 education.

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task response
Score: 5. The main problem is that you answer a different question. The topic is about children spending free time with family or without family. Your essay is about learning a new language in primary school. Read the topic very carefully before you write.
task response
Write about both sides of the given topic. For example, family time can help children feel safe and close to parents. Time without family can help children make friends, learn new things, and be more independent.
task response
Give your own view about the real topic. You could say that children should spend some free time with family, but they also need some time for school clubs, sports, or friends.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7 for the way the essay is put together, but this cannot save the task score because the ideas are not about the topic. Keep the same clear four-part form, but make every part answer the question.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence match the topic. Do not use a ready first paragraph for a different subject. Your first paragraph should name family time and activities without family.
coherence and cohesion
Your links are clear, but use them only when the next idea is about the same topic. Make sure each example directly supports the main point in that paragraph.
task response
You give a clear view: you agree. You give two main reasons, and each one has an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and a clear end. The order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “For example”, “Therefore”, and “As a result”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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