IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some countries today have passed laws against smoking tobacco in public building such as offices and restaurants. Other countries have no intention of doing this . Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion on which side you favour

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It is often said that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of people are
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the
countries
Use synonyms
 enacted legislation banning smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 in public
places
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can
also
Linking Words
 be made against adopting
such
Linking Words
as
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 law.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses the debate and gives a concluding view. On the one hand, smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 in public buildings where there are a lot of people is not
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 thing because
Linking Words
according
Punctuation problem
, according
show examples
 to the research
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 who are near
smokers
Use synonyms
 may become passive
smokers
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 may affect their health. So,
countries
Use synonyms
enacted
Correct pronoun usage
that enacted
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laws against smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 in public
places
Use synonyms
 have benefits for individuals who do not smoke. Another argument is psychological support that non-
smokers
Use synonyms
 do not
to
Verb problem
have to
show examples
 put up
smells
Change preposition
with smells
show examples
 that they do not like
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue is protected by the laws.
By contrast
Linking Words
, there are other
countries
Use synonyms
 that have no intention of supporting legislation which prohibited smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 in public buildings
such
Linking Words
 as offices and restaurants. From
this
Linking Words
 point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 laws do not have to infringe the rights of
smokers
Use synonyms
. In these
Use synonyms
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
show examples
 there are
not especial
Rephrase
no special
show examples
places
Use synonyms
 for smoking and
smokers
Use synonyms
 are allowed to smoke anywhere.
In addition
Linking Words
, non-
smokers
Use synonyms
 should protect their own interests by asking
smokers
Use synonyms
 nearby not to smoke or to find a place where there are no
smokers
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it seems advisable that the decision of
countries
Use synonyms
passed
Wrong verb form
to pass
show examples
 legislation against smoking
tobacco
Use synonyms
 in public
places
Use synonyms
is
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 more sense
given
Punctuation problem
, given
show examples
 that separate areas are
also
Linking Words
 provided for
smokers
Use synonyms
.
In
Linking Words
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 there are benefits for
health non-smoker
Replace the word
healthy non-smoking
 individuals.

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Task response
Score: 5. Your answer covers both sides, but the ideas need more detail. Explain how second-hand smoke can harm people at work or in a restaurant. Also explain why some people may not want a ban, such as freedom of choice or less business for places where people smoke.
Task response
Give one short, real-life example for each side. For example, a worker may have to breathe smoke for many hours. On the other side, a smoker may say that a smoking room is better than a full ban.
Task response
Make your own view stronger. You say that you support the law, but say clearly why health is more important than the right to smoke in shared places.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In the first body part, health and bad smells are both useful, but each needs a little more support.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the word order is not clear. Use short sentences. For example: “People near smokers can breathe in smoke. This can harm their health.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words in a clear way. Write “public places” or “public buildings” and do not change too often. Also write “non-smokers” with a hyphen each time.
Coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph should sum up the two sides, then give your view in one clear final sentence.
Task response
You talk about both sides and give your own view at the end.
Task response
Your main ideas stay on the topic: health, smoke, and the rights of smokers.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part shape: start, one side, the other side, and end.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear link words, such as “On the one hand”, “By contrast”, “In addition”, and “Overall”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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