IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The given bar chart how many residents in UK spend their money in three categories (Food and drinks, Resturants and hotels, Entertainment) during 2004.

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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of expenditure allocated to three categories—food and drink, restaurants and hotels, and entertainment—across five age brackets in the UK during the year 2004.
Overall
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, expenditure on food and drink increased steadily with age.
Conversely
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, younger citizens directed a larger share of their budgets to restaurants and hotels,
while
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 entertainment spending peaked among middle-aged to senior residents (61–75 years). For food and drink, residents aged under 30 spent the lowest proportion, accounting for roughly 6% of their budget.
This
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 figure rose consistently across older demographics, climbing to 13% for 31–45 year-olds and reaching a peak of approximately 23% among those aged 61 and above.
In contrast
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, spending on restaurants and hotels followed a generally reverse trend. The under-30 demographic spent the highest proportion on
this
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 category at 14%.
This
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 proportion declined across older groups, dropping to a low of just 2% among individuals aged 61 to 75, before rising slightly to around 7% for those 76 and older. Regarding entertainment, spending remained relatively modest for people under 45, hovering at around 7%.
However
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, it rose sharply for the 46–60 age bracket (14%) and peaked at 23% among 61–75 year-olds, before dropping back to 13% for those over 76.

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task response
Estimated score: 8. Your report is accurate and complete. To move toward 9, make the overview even more direct by naming the highest point: food and drink and entertainment both reach about 23% in the oldest or near-oldest groups.
task response
Check small details very carefully. “61 and above” is not the same as the chart groups if it has 61–75 and 76+. Say the two groups separately.
coherence and cohesion
Your order is clear, but the food and drink paragraph says the figure “reached a peak” among people aged 61 and above. This can make the next age group unclear. State both final age groups in order.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer repeated words such as “proportion” and “spending” when possible. For example, use “this figure”, “the share”, or “the rate”.
task response
You clearly say what the chart shows and give a good overall view of the main changes.
task response
You include the main numbers for all three areas and all age groups.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is easy to follow. Each body part has one clear main area: food and drink, restaurants and hotels, then entertainment.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “Overall”, “In contrast”, and “Regarding entertainment”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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