In modern times, children are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

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Children
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in many societies tend to spend more
time
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with their peers rather than with their
parents
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, there
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. There
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are many
reseans
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reasons
for
this
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trend
,
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. Children
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children
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grow up and
technology
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use technology
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using
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apply
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. In my opinion ,
parents
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should
encourge
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encourage
family
time
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and should not force
children
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staying
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to stay
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at
home
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or stop them go out . One main reason for
children
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spending
time
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with their
friends
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become older and independent .
Children
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usually form and develop strong
relationship
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relationships
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with their
friends
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and
class mates
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classmates
, and these bonds become stronger when they get older and approach
teenager
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teenage
age ,
becuase
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because
they share the same
interesting
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interests
.
For
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example
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example,
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childern they enjoy playing sports ,
go
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going
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out for shopping and other
liesure
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leisure
activities with
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thier
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their
friends
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instead
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of their
parents
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. Another major reason contribute for keeping
children
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away from their
parents
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is technology ,it’s
massive
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a massive
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factor in
modren sociecty
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modern society
.
Children
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use smartphones , online games and
chating
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chatting
with
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thier
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their
friends
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unlimted
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unlimited
time
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and
every where
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everywhere
, even
they
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when they
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are
phiscally
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physically
at
home
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.In
addtion
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addition
to that ,
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parents
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parents'
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busy days with work
,
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apply
show examples
keep them away from
children
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.
For
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instance
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instance,
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many
children
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spend evenings
on
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apply
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playing games online with
calssmates
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classmates
, watching movies and
chating
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chatting
with
friends
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on
socail
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social
media
while
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they are at
home
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,
instead
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of talking to
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thier
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their
family members . In conclusion ,both
chilrden
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children
grow up
and
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, and
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technology use play significant role in spending
time
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with family or
friends
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,
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.
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I believe that
family
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families
show examples
should
encourge
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encourage their
thier
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children
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to spend more
time
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with them ,but not
forcing
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force
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them
staying
Wrong verb form
to stay
show examples
at
home
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and stop meeting
friends
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in their free
time
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.

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task response
Score: 5. Your ideas are clear, but they need more detail. Explain more clearly why growing up makes friends more important. For example, say that teens want to make their own plans and share things with people their own age.
task response
For the second question, give a fuller answer. Say why forcing children may be bad, such as making them angry or less close to their parents. Then say what parents can do instead, such as having meals or a family day together.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Some sentences are too long and have many ideas. Use shorter sentences. Start a new sentence when you move to a new idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words: First, Also, For example, However, Therefore, and In conclusion. Do not use a comma to join two full sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph in this order: main idea, reason, example, short result. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your end is good, but it repeats some words. Make it more direct: 'Parents should make time for family activities, but they should not stop children from seeing friends.'
task response
You answer both questions. You give two reasons: children grow up, and they use more technology. You also give a clear view: parents should ask, not force.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Each body part has one main idea.
examples
You use examples about sport, shopping, games, and social media. These help show your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic commitments
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Technology and social media
  • Peer acceptance
  • Independence
  • Family dynamics
  • Cultural norms
  • Individualism
  • Parental enforcement
  • Family bonds
  • Social development
  • Autonomy versus guidance
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