IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

pie chart ot household energy use and gas emission produced by this energy

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The pie charts
illsutrate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
 power consumption in the average household in Australia and greenhouse gases produced by
this
Linking Words
energy
Use synonyms
 .
Body paragraph 1
Overll
Correct your spelling
Overall
,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is
clearly
Replace the word
clear
 that
water
Use synonyms
 heating and warm houses
makeup
Replace the word
make up
 the vast majority of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumption,
while
Linking Words
 the
hight
Correct your spelling
high
 levels of greenhouse gases caused other appliance snd
water
Use synonyms
 heating
Body paragraph 2
It is noticable utillization to heat the houses had the biggest share in power use with nearly three quarters ,
water
Use synonyms
 heating consumed a third of
energy
Use synonyms
 ,another
crucail
Correct your spelling
crucial
 figure is
applaince
Correct your spelling
appliance
 took 15% of power
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 others catagories make up
jist
Correct your spelling
just
 above a tenth of total
energy
Use synonyms
 combined .
Conclusion
Others appliance had nearly a third of greenhouse
gases
Check wording
gas
show examples
 emissions
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the second place was
water
Use synonyms
 heating with just above a third , another significant gas
producer
Punctuation problem
producer,
show examples
 heating
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 15% and cooling , lightning and
refergration
Correct your spelling
refrigeration
 make up a quarter of total
emission
Check wording
emissions
show examples
 combined

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Score: 5. You cover the main parts, but some facts are not right. In the energy chart, heating is 42%, not nearly three quarters. Water heating is 30%, not a third. Check each number before you write it.
task response
Make the main compare more clear. Say that heating uses the most energy, but other appliances make the most gas. This is the key point in the two charts.
task response
Do not add ideas that are not clear in the chart. For example, 'warm houses' should be 'heating'. Use the same names as the chart: heating, water heating, other appliances, refrigeration, lighting, and cooling.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The order is easy to see, but some lines are hard to follow because words are missing or the link between ideas is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words: 'In the first chart', 'By contrast', 'In the second chart', and 'Overall'. This will help the reader move from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Put the facts in a clear order. In each body part, start with the biggest part, then give the next two or three parts. Do not mix groups together unless you show the math is right.
task response
You give an overview and talk about both charts. You also use some key numbers, such as 15% and nearly a third.
coherence and cohesion
Your answer has an intro, an overview, and two body parts. This is a good basic plan.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: