IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

in some countries, the government has tried to reduce traffic. For instance, it has imposed a congestion tax during rush hour. Do you think this development is positive or negative?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Nowadays,
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam is becoming one of the severe issues around the entire globe. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that imposing a congestion tax during peak hours is an effective way to reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
, and I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development.
Although
Linking Words
 it may create an additional burden for some commuters, its benefits to
traffic
Use synonyms
 flow and the environment are more significant.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it can create difficulty for low-income families. Namely, individuals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who have to commute to their work or study
, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 should use their private cars. If
traffic
Use synonyms
 jam taxes will be expensive, they cannot afford it, because they may not have enough
or
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
additional money to pay.
However
Linking Words
, it can be solved with some practical ways,
such
Linking Words
 as affordable public transport from long distances, and
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 amount of charge for
people
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who cannot cover it. One major advantage of congestion charges is that they can discourage
people
Use synonyms
 from using private cars during the busiest periods of the day. When driving becomes more expensive, some commuters may choose public transport, cycle or walk
instead
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 can reduce the number of vehicles on major roads and
consequently
Linking Words
 shorten journey times for those who still need to drive. Another important benefit is the positive effect on the environment. A reduction in the number of cars on the roads means fewer exhaust emissions and lower levels of air pollution.
This
Linking Words
 can improve public health, particularly in densely populated urban areas.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 congestion charges may increase costs for some
people
Use synonyms
, I think they are advantageous, because they can reduce
traffic
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and improve air quality.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your opinion is clear: you think the tax is a good change. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully why the good points are greater than the problem for people with low pay.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: less car use, less traffic, and cleaner air. Add one clear real-life example, such as a city using the money from the tax to make buses cheaper or more frequent.
task response
The first body part has a useful problem and answer, but the answer needs more detail. Say who can get help, how they can get it, and why this would be fair.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body parts, and ending. The order is easy to follow: problem first, then benefits, then your final view.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links inside sentences. For example, change "individuals, who have to commute to their work or study, they should use their private cars" to "Some people need to drive to work or school because public transport is not good enough."
coherence and cohesion
Make the first body paragraph flow better by joining the ideas in a simple order: state the problem, explain why it happens, then give the solution.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using too many commas in short sentences. This will make your writing smoother and easier to read.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep a clear positive view from the first paragraph to the end.
task response
The points about fewer cars, shorter travel time, and less air pollution are relevant and well chosen.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives the topic and your view clearly, and the ending repeats your main idea in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
The use of words such as "Firstly", "However", "Another important benefit", and "To sum up" helps the reader follow your ideas.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: