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Band 5

the chart below shows the percentage of adults of different age groups in the uk who used the internet everyday from 2003 to 2006

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The given graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of people by age
group
Use synonyms
 in the UK from 2003 to 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
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 of all age groups increased slightly over the whole time period,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of
adults
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 aged 65+ witnessed a
little
Correct word choice
slight
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 decline. In the initial period, people 65+ showed the lowest
percentage
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,
whereas
Linking Words
adults
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 from 16 to 24 gave the highest result. Starting with
middle aged
Correct your spelling
middle-aged
 Internet users from 24 to 44 and 55-64, each age
group
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 had slightle increase year by year. The
number
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 of
adults
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 using the Internet in the second
group
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 rose slightly from 70% in 2003 to about 90% in 2005. The
percentage
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 of the fourth
group
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 of
adults
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 started from 30% in 2003 to around 40% in 2005 and 60% in 2006.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of users in the first and fifth groups showed a small decrease after
moderate
Correct article usage
a moderate
show examples
 rise. The
percentage
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 of the first
group
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 rose from 80% to 90% in 2005 and
then
Linking Words
 fell to 85% in 2006
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the
fifths
Replace the word
fifth
group
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 showed
non
Replace the word
no
 visible changes but dropped from 20% in 2005 to about 18% in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2006.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, group, percentage, adults with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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