IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that universities should focus primarily on providing graduates with specific vocational training and practical skills for the workplace, rather than teaching a broad range of traditional academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Whether to teach traditional
subjects
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 in higher education has become a topic of debate.
While
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 some people believe that practical
skills
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 are more important than
theoritical
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theoretical
subjects
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, and
to
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should
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 be prioritised so that
can
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they can
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 help
students
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 to work in real life, I strongly disagree with
this
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 view. I firmly believe that a balanced
approch
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approach
 is more appropriate as both traditional
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as well as
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and
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 practical
skills
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 are equally important for university
students
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, people who argue that
students
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 should learn practical
skills
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on
Change preposition
as a
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 priority rather than traditional
subjects
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 like History or Arts, because they want their children to be prepared for
real life
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real-life
 scenarios, as these traditional
subjects
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 have never been used in
workplace
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the workplace
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. In todays technical era, these
subjects
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 will not help
students
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 to fulfil workplace requirements.
For instance
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, an accountant will work on accounting tools to
compelete
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complete
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 the balance sheet in his office. Even if he scored
good
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well
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 in History in his academic
career
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, it will never be used in his day-to-day tasks.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, university
students
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 should have the knowledge of all the
subjects
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 and
its
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their
show examples
 aspects. So that they can clearly choose their future
career
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 as per their interests.
For example
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, if a student is learning Arts in his higher education, and he
developed
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has developed
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interest
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an interest
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for
Change preposition
in
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 it,
then
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 he can
persue
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pursue
 that as a
career
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 option. Learning only practical
skills
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 will narrow down his interests and can lead to depression.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, every subject is important for the
students
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'
overall
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 growth. Learning in a balanced way will help
student
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students
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 to know
his
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their
show examples
 interests
and
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, and
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accordingly
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he
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 can choose
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
career
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 path. Focusing on practical
skills
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 will benefit them and
will
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apply
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give
technological
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them technological
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 awareness
and
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, and
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 they can use it to minimise their efforts.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 the technological advancements are taking place and
rulling
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ruling
 the world,
student
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students
show examples
 should learn all the
subjects
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 rather than
to
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apply
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focus on only practical
skills
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. They can use the technology to ease their work and daily tasks
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 having
a
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apply
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knowledge of all the
subjects
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 can make them versatile.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. You say that you strongly disagree, but you also say that both sides are equally important. State clearly that work skills should be part of university study, but they should not be the main focus for every student.
task response
Explain why broad subjects matter in more depth. For example, say that they help students think, write, solve problems, and understand people and society. These skills can also help at work.
task response
The point that learning only work skills can lead to depression is too strong and is not well explained. Use a safer point: it may limit a student’s choices and make it harder to change jobs later.
task response
Your accountant example shows that some school subjects are not used every day. Add one more sentence to show why this does not mean they have no value. For example, History may help people understand change, while Arts may build ideas and clear speech.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. The first body part should explain why some people want work skills. The second should explain why you think broad study is still needed. Then give your own balanced plan in the last body part.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long and have too many ideas. Split them into two short sentences so the meaning is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links that show the exact relation between ideas. For example: “However” for an opposite idea, “Therefore” for a result, and “In addition” for another reason.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “practical skills” and “all subjects” many times. You can use “work skills”, “job training”, “broad study”, or “other fields” instead.
task response
You give a clear view from the start: you do not agree that work skills should replace all other subjects. You also keep this view in the end.
task response
You use clear examples, such as the accountant and the student who finds an interest in Arts.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an introduction, two main parts, your view, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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