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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In today's world, it is very crucial to be mentally satisfied with your life. Nowadays, many people wonder if it is better to have a
high income
Correct your spelling
high-income
 job or a
work
Use synonyms
 life where one is satisfied. From my perspective, I believe that
,
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apply
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 it is much more important to have a sense of satisfaction with your
work
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 because our happiness depends on our level of satisfaction with our lives
and
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, and
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 it
also
Linking Words
 offers future security
either
Punctuation problem
, either
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 financially or mentally.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, our
work
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 schedule has a major effect on our mental
well being
Correct your spelling
well-being
. The
work
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 environment plays a major role in behavioural shifts of a person, which is why
,
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apply
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 it is important to have our office surroundings filled with positive and supportive colleagues.
For example
Linking Words
, arranging lunch with workmates and planning outings
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 healthy
work
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 relationships and encourages teamwork within the workplace.
According to
Linking Words
 research done by Sigma, people are more likely to be happy in their lives if they do not have complaints about their line of
work
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.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will increase
compatibility
Correct article usage
the compatibility
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 of the associates with each other
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 will boost their mental health and
work
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 productivity.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the level of security about our career path cannot be reached if we are dissatisfied with our
work
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-life.
For example
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, research has found that people who are not happy with their career choice or environment are more likely to
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
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go through multiple jobs
due to
Linking Words
 lack of satisfaction in their preferred field.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 disrupts a person's future plans when they have to jump from one workplace to another
due to
Linking Words
 inconvenient circumstances.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that it is most important to be comfortable with a job choice in our lives.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 a person's
work
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 environment affects their daily moods and their future plans.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is much more convenient to focus on the quality of
work
Use synonyms
 than the amount of money that we earn.

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task response
Your view is clear: job satisfaction is more important than a big salary. To make the answer stronger, talk more directly about money. Explain that a high salary can pay for basic needs, but it may not make a person happy if the job causes stress.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear link to the question. The first body paragraph is mainly about a good work place. Show more clearly why this matters more than a high salary.
task response
Use examples that are clear and real. The example about lunch and outings shows friendly work relations, but it does not fully prove that job satisfaction is more important than pay. A stronger example could compare a well-paid stressful job with a lower-paid job that offers good health and a stable life.
task response
Be careful with claims about research. “Research done by Sigma” is not explained, so it does not add much. You can give a simple general example instead, or explain what the research found and why it matters.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion. Keep this structure, but make the main idea of each body paragraph more direct at the start.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not fully clear. For example, the point about future security needs more explanation. Say how being unhappy at work can lead to leaving jobs, less steady income, and less safe plans for the future.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating similar words such as “satisfaction,” “work,” and “important” too often. Use simple changes such as “being happy at work,” “a job,” “pay,” and “a good work life.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On the other hand” often shows an opposite idea, but your second paragraph supports the same view. Use “In addition” or “Also” instead.
task response
You answer the question clearly and keep the same view from the introduction to the conclusion.
task response
Your main reasons are relevant: mental health, daily happiness, and a more stable work life.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives your opinion, and the conclusion returns to it clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are used well, and the reader can follow the main direction of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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