IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future,people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash.All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you thibk this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

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Introduction
In the future ,
may
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will pay only by
card
Use synonyms
 or technology payments. I think
this
Linking Words
 will happen next few years because there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a lot of fake
money
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
First , I think
next
Change preposition
in the next
show examples
 few years
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 payments will be by
card
Use synonyms
 because the stores prefer to send their
money
Use synonyms
 directly to the account.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, after
selling
Punctuation problem
selling,
show examples
 they will not
needs
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to send their
money
Use synonyms
 by guards.
As a result
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 will save some
money
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
that they
show examples
 don't need to spend
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Second,
Linking Words
paying by technology is more
saffier
Use the right word
safer
show examples
 than
cash
Use synonyms
 because it
is
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
 not need to check
money
Use synonyms
 paper one by one to see if
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 fake or real.
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
Checking
Fix capitalization
checking
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 needs some time
maybe
Punctuation problem
, maybe
show examples
 more than five minuets and if
this
Linking Words
 happen maybe
need
Correct pronoun usage
you need
show examples
 an accountant to
Linking Words
this
Verb problem
do this
show examples
 job. As
resualt
Correct your spelling
a result
,
Pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 by
card
Use synonyms
very
Verb problem
is very
show examples
 easy.
Body paragraph 2
Third,
Linking Words
the
people
Use synonyms
 will not
happe
Correct your spelling
happen
 because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 way that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 spend more
money
Use synonyms
 .
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, the
cash
Use synonyms
 can control
spend
Replace the word
spending
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will save
money
Use synonyms
. Fourth, they will not accept it because they don't want to pay extra
taxs
Correct your spelling
taxes
 to the bank.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, some banks take three
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for every payment
transation
Correct your spelling
transaction
.
Conequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, paying by
card
Use synonyms
 is not
happy
Correct word choice
convenient
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
. Fifth, some
people
Use synonyms
 like
use
Verb problem
to use
show examples
 their bank account to only save
money
Use synonyms
 because they don't want to use their
money
Use synonyms
by paying
Wrong verb form
to pay
show examples
 taxes and additional
money
Use synonyms
.
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
, paying by
cash
Use synonyms
 can lead
people
Use synonyms
 to
sace
Correct your spelling
save
 more
money
Use synonyms
. As a
reasult
Correct your spelling
result
,
cash
Use synonyms
 is better than
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 by technology.
Conclusion
In conclusion, paying by
card
Use synonyms
 will happen
next
Change preposition
in the next
show examples
 few years
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some
people
Use synonyms
 will
be not
Correct word order
not be
show examples
 happy because they used to pay
cash
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. Say clearly that this change is likely, then give two clear reasons. For the second question, choose two strong reasons why people may not like it, such as privacy, bank fees, or old people who do not use phones.
task response
Some ideas need clearer support. The point about fake money is useful, but explain why card payments stop this problem. The point about shops saving money is also useful, but make the link clear: they may not need to move and keep large amounts of cash.
task response
Be careful with ideas about tax. Paying by card does not always mean people pay more tax. A better point is that some banks or shops may charge a small fee for card payments.
task response
Your examples should be more real and direct. For example: “An older person may not own a smart phone or may forget a card PIN, so cash is easier for them.”
coherence and cohesion
Use a simpler plan: introduction; one paragraph on why card and phone payments may become normal; one paragraph on why some people still want cash; conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put related ideas together. In your first body paragraph, talk only about shops and safety. In your second body paragraph, talk only about people’s worries, such as spending too much, fees, and not using technology.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. “First” and “Second” are good, but do not use “As a result” after every idea. Try “Also”, “However”, “For this reason”, and “For example” when they fit the meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph start with one clear main idea. For example: “Many people may still want to use cash because it helps them control their spending.” Then explain this idea and give one example.
task response
You give a clear view that card and phone payments may become common in the future.
task response
You answer the part about why some people may not want to stop using cash.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body ideas, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “For example”, “Therefore”, and “In conclusion”.
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