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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. What are the reasons for this problem? What are the effects on society?

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Introduction
Science
Use synonyms
 degrees in university
such
Linking Words
 as medical or biology are not
popular
Verb problem
been popular
show examples
 these past few
years
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 in most
of the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
countries. There are some reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 argument
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as consequences to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
Linking Words
further about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trending topic.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, everything that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 related to
science
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 known to be one of the hardest subjects that people
able
Verb problem
are able
show examples
learn
Verb problem
to learn
show examples
, and it
require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 to study.  
For example
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, in most cases, general doctors need to study for at least five
years
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 to complete their
degree
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 other than that, they need to do their placement
that
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
 required hundred of hours
before
Punctuation problem
, before
show examples
 graduation.
In addition
Linking Words
, another
years
Use synonyms
 need to be done in order to become a specialist.
As a result
Linking Words
, there are only a few people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 would like to study
Use synonyms
science
Correct article usage
a science
show examples
Use synonyms
degree
Punctuation problem
degree,
show examples
 especially to become a
doctor
Punctuation problem
doctor,
show examples
 since they need a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 and money to complete a
degree
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. Many people believe that studying to be a doctor is a waste of
time
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 that
forced
Wrong verb form
forces
show examples
 them to lose their youth.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 impacts to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
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,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 one of the most common
feedback
Check wording
pieces of feedback
show examples
 is the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
 and nurses found in the world. It
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 decreasing every year since there are only a few
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
medical students.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of doctors and nurses available
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not able to
compromise
Verb problem
keep pace with
show examples
 the increasing
number
Check wording
population
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, one of the reasons behind
this
Linking Words
 trend is the amount of
time
Use synonyms
 required to finish a
degree
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 in
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 industry.
Years
Use synonyms
 of learning need to be done
that
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
 scares the younger
generation
Punctuation problem
generation,
show examples
 since they tend to have a mindset that studying
science
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
 is a waste of
time
Use synonyms
 that
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 their youth. In consequence,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 is craving more
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doctors and nurses since their numbers are not keeping up with the growth of the
humans
Check wording
population
show examples
.

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task response
You answer both parts: why fewer students choose science and what this may cause. However, your reasons focus mostly on becoming a doctor. Add other science areas, such as engineering, physics, and computer science, so the answer fits the whole question.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say why long study time and high cost make students choose other jobs, such as wanting to earn money sooner.
task response
Your effect on society is clear: there may be too few doctors and nurses. Add one more effect, such as slower work in new medicine, energy, or technology, to make your answer more complete.
task response
Use careful ideas. Not all science degrees take as long as medical degrees, and nurses do not always study the same subjects as doctors. Make the point about health jobs, then include other science jobs too.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, reasons, effects, and conclusion. Keep this simple plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body paragraph state one clear main idea. Then give an example and explain the result. This will make the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking words are used well, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Consequently”. Do not use “Nevertheless” before the effects paragraph, because it shows an opposite idea. Use “As for the effects” or “This can have effects on society” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “years”, “science degree”, and “doctors and nurses” too often. Use simple other words, such as “this course”, “these jobs”, and “health workers”.
task response
You give a clear reason: medical study can take a long time and cost a lot of money. The example of doctors needing many years of study helps show this idea.
task response
You give a clear social effect: a lack of health workers may make it hard to meet the needs of a growing population.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader that the essay will discuss reasons and effects, and the conclusion returns to both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraph order is easy to understand, and several linking phrases help connect the ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deter
  • promotion
  • opportunities
  • role models
  • lucrative
  • employment
  • gender stereotypes
  • societal norms
  • access to information
  • technological stagnation
  • shortage
  • skilled professionals
  • innovation
  • healthcare sector
  • workforce
  • global competitiveness
  • advancements
  • economic growth
  • public health services
  • environmental sciences
  • combat climate change
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