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Writing Samples
Band 5

Private car ownership has been increasing over the past few decades. This has given ordinary people greater mobility, but has also led to concerns about traffic congestion and air pollution. Do the advantages of private car ownership outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
since
Change preposition
Over the
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 past few decades
owning
Punctuation problem
, owning
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 a private
car
Use synonyms
 has become increasingly popular among many
people
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.
This
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 has helped normal
people
Use synonyms
 achieve
greate
Correct your spelling
great
 mobility,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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 it has
also
Linking Words
 created issues
such
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 as traffic congestion and air pollution.
Moreover
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,
this
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 trend has certain drawbacks
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 I strongly believe that owning a private
car
Use synonyms
 does not outweigh the disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, having your own
car
Use synonyms
 has many benefits, one of the main advantages of
private
Correct article usage
a private
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car
Use synonyms
 is that it
has given
Wrong verb form
gives
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 freedom of
movment
Correct your spelling
movement
.
People
Use synonyms
 with private
car
Use synonyms
 ownership can go anywhere at
anytime
Correct your spelling
any time
 without worrying. Sometimes it gets difficult to
travel
Use synonyms
 to some places using public
trasportation
Correct your spelling
transportation
, as many places are so remote that they are only possible to visit via private
vehicale
Correct your spelling
vehicle
. Many times
people
Use synonyms
 have to use
combination
Correct article usage
a combination
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 of transportation
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
walk
Wrong verb form
walking
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,
catch
Wrong verb form
catching
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 a bus, and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 a train at the same time
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 reach from one place to another. In
such
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scenarios
Add a comma
scenarios,
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 a lot of time and energy is wasted, which in turn can be saved by owning a private
car
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, despite these benefits, there are certain drawbacks. The proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 with
car
Use synonyms
 ownership has increased significantly over the decades.
This
Linking Words
 much rise in private
car
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 ownership has become
once
Use the right word
one
show examples
 of the major reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 traffic congestion on the road.
People
Use synonyms
 used to buy
Use synonyms
car
Correct article usage
a car
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 to save their commute time
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
this
Linking Words
 traffic issue
in
Verb problem
is in
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 turn making it harder for
people
Use synonyms
 to
travel
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 by road.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the increase in the number of cars on the road is causing air and noise pollution. Cities with more
Use synonyms
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
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 have much lower AQI, which can lead to serious
helath
Correct your spelling
health
 issues.
Apart from
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this
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,
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car
Correct article usage
a car
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 has limited space and only
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can
travel
Use synonyms
 together by single
car
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
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, it is much preferable to use public transportation
intead
Correct your spelling
instead
.
Conclusion
In Conclusion, private
Use synonyms
car
Check wording
cars
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 can help
people
Use synonyms
travel
Use synonyms
 more freely, but there are more drawbacks than there are benefits. The reason why many
people
Use synonyms
 were choosing to buy their own
car
Use synonyms
,
Verb problem
is
show examples
 the same reasons are now causing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
major problems, which can only be solved by reducing the
usgae
Correct your spelling
usage
 of private cars.
Hence
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, I believe that the advantages
are
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 not
outweighing
Wrong verb form
outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages.

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task response
Your answer gives a clear view: the bad sides are stronger than the good sides. Keep this view clear in every part of the essay.
task response
You explain the good side well: cars save time and help people go to places that buses or trains may not reach. Add one real or clear example, such as a family living far from a bus stop.
task response
Your bad-side paragraph has good points about road jams, dirty air, noise, and health. Explain more clearly why these problems are worse than the freedom a car gives.
task response
Some ideas repeat, especially that cars save time but then cause road jams. Make the link stronger: say that when many people choose cars, the roads become full, so the time-saving benefit is lost.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, good sides, bad sides, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “Private cars make travel easier.” Then give support. In the next paragraph: “However, the harm to cities is greater.”
coherence and cohesion
Use joining words carefully. “Moreover” is not the best word before “this trend has certain drawbacks.” Use “However” or “Nevertheless” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Break them into two short sentences so the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
In the ending, state your final view in a direct way. For example: “Therefore, the disadvantages of private car ownership outweigh its advantages.”
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view.
task response
The points about hard-to-reach places, travel time, road jams, and air pollution are all linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part essay shape is clear and works well for this type of question.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “To begin with,” “However,” “Additionally,” and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mobility
  • independence
  • economic benefits
  • automotive industry
  • convenience
  • commuting
  • leisure activities
  • social benefits
  • emissions
  • air pollution
  • global warming
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • public infrastructure
  • maintenance
  • road safety
What to do next:
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