IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The pie charts show the average consumption of food in the world in 2008 compared to two countries; China and India.
The presented pie charts demonstrate the median
consumption
Use synonyms
 of various types of
food
Use synonyms
 across the globe in 2008, in comparison to two nations
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
India
Use synonyms
 and
China
Use synonyms
, measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, processed
food
Use synonyms
 significantly dominates the share of
consumption
Use synonyms
 of foods in all figures, with notable domination in the whole
world
Use synonyms
, where the proportion of it exceeded 40 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, nuts and seeds are the
lowest
Correct word choice
least
show examples
 consumed foods across the
world
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
India
Change preposition
in India
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
China
Use synonyms
's least demanded source was animal
food
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
 the provided graph, vegetables and fruits constituted similar proportions in both
China
Use synonyms
 and the globe.
However
Linking Words
,
India
Use synonyms
's
consumption
Use synonyms
 of them
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 less statistically
.
Correct word choice
significant.
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
, animal
food
Use synonyms
 is notably more popular in
India
Use synonyms
 and the
world
Use synonyms
, where
India
Use synonyms
's use of animal
food
Use synonyms
 was negligibly higher than the planet
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 only 1 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nuts and seeds shape only 4 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
food
Use synonyms
consumption
Use synonyms
 in the
world
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
India
Use synonyms
 they are about 11% of the
overall
Linking Words
 average
consumption
Use synonyms
, and 19 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
China
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, whereas".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words consumption, food, india, china, world, cent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: