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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The maps below show the city layout of Brisbane between 1975 and the current day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The maps below show the city layout of Brisbane between 1975 and the current day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given pictorial maps
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 the massive development
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that
underwent
Wrong verb form
has undergone
show examples
 in a particular
area
Use synonyms
 called
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Nelson between 2000 and
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is evident that the expansions, additions, ommissions an size reductions have paved the way for entirely novel
site
Check wording
sites
show examples
 over the period.
To begin
Linking Words
, the town
existed of
Verb problem
had
show examples
 limited facilities at the beginning. More interestingly,
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
,
train
Correct article usage
the train
show examples
 station and
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 market place visibled as the landmarks in the
area
Use synonyms
. Apart from that, a
greenary
Correct your spelling
greenery
 space located
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the North-East
to
Change preposition
of the
show examples
city
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
, which
established
Verb problem
was established
show examples
 in the middle of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Nelson. Apart from that, a port
placed
Verb problem
was placed
show examples
 in the South,
while
Linking Words
 a road ran far more away from it. Moving on to the present day, the
area
Use synonyms
 has been converted into quite
sophisticated
Correct article usage
a sophisticated
show examples
 urban
area
Use synonyms
ovver
Correct your spelling
over
 the given period. More interestingly, the university and the port remained visible,
while
Linking Words
 other establishments
has been
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 undergone
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developments. More positively, dining and recreational facilities have been constructed, which reflects their close connection with the port.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
city
Use synonyms
 centre has been developed into a bike rental scheme
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 by adding commercial value
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 it. More importantly, the road ran across the
city
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 has been allocated only for
pedestrian
Check wording
pedestrians
show examples
, by permitting automobiles unlike in the past.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, both the old commercial site and the train station had
disapperaed
Correct your spelling
disappeared
,
while
Linking Words
 new commercial facilities
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
novel
Correct article usage
a novel
show examples
 station have
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
emerged
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the two sides and the north, to the
city
Use synonyms
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 respectively.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
accommodation
Correct article usage
an accommodation
show examples
 cluster has been built
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right side
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the university,
while
Linking Words
 the
greenary
Correct your spelling
greenery
area
Use synonyms
 has been replaced by
novel
Correct article usage
a novel
show examples
 shopping complex in the present day.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words area, city with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "present" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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