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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many developing countries, there is a problem with declining quality of air and water from both industry and construction. What measures could be taken to prevent this? Angsa

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Introduction
At present, developing countries are facing an increasing level of pollution,
due to
Linking Words
 industries' emissions and
cunstruction
Correct your spelling
construction
 problems, resulting in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lower air and
water
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
. It is a hard issue to tackle, since industrialisation is essential for these countries to be competitive in the global market, but I believe that governments should enforce stricter
regulations
Use synonyms
 and raise awareness on the topic of environmental protection.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, stricter
regulations
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 should be introduced by the municipalities, regarding, for
istance
Correct your spelling
instance
,
waiste
Correct your spelling
waste
 disposal and
water
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, fines should be applied as a deterrent, to enforce the law and encourage the industries to follow the government directions.
Also
Linking Words
, regular checks on
water
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
 should be introduced,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 on rivers close to industrialised areas, to make sure that
quality
Use synonyms
 standards are met, and to stop people from using
low
Correct your spelling
low-quality
quality
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water
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is
also
Linking Words
 essential to raise public awareness on environmental issues
,
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apply
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 by advertising
environmental-friendly
Replace the word
environmentally friendly
 choices for a better future. Governments should start
by
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with
show examples
 the individuals,
for instance
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encouraging
Punctuation problem
, encouraging
show examples
 people to recycle,
then
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 move on to schools and work-places, subsidising classes on environmental protection. For
examples
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example
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, countries in
Northof
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Northern
 Europe
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such
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, such
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 as Finland or Norway, have the lowest rates of emissions not only because of the strict
regulations
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, but
also
Linking Words
 because people care about environmental protection as well.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that a combined effort should be made by governments, on one hand
enforcing
Punctuation problem
, enforcing
show examples
 stricter
regulations
Use synonyms
 and ensuring their respect through fines and regular checks, on the other, raising awareness among citizens about the damages of pollution.

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task response
You answer the question well and give two clear ways to stop pollution: stronger rules and more public care. To make the answer stronger, add more detail about construction. For example, say that building sites must cover dust, clean trucks, and stop dirty water from going into rivers.
task response
Explain more clearly how each step will improve both air and water. Fines can make factories cut smoke and stop waste from going into water. Checks can find problems early and make firms fix them.
task response
Your example about Finland and Norway is useful, but it is very broad. Give one clear fact or a more direct example of a rule, school plan, or public campaign.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Each main part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links with care. “On the other hand” often shows an opposite idea, but public awareness does not oppose stricter rules. Use “In addition” or “Also” instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences could join more smoothly. For example, after the point about fines, explain that this can make firms change their work before moving to water checks.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same when possible. Use “air and water pollution” or “environmental harm” in each part, rather than changing to less clear words such as “the topic” or “damages of pollution.”}],
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • emissions
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • pollution
  • environmental standards
  • monitoring
  • enforcement
  • industrial waste
  • public awareness
  • clean technologies
  • accountable
  • incentivizing
  • recycling
  • community engagement
  • regulations
  • contaminants
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