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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts give information about employment in the UK in 1998 and 2012. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The charts give information about employment in the UK in 1998 and 2012. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pie charts
illustrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
illustrate
show examples
 by
percanteges
Correct your spelling
percentages
 the
employment
Use synonyms
 for
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 during the period from 1998 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
men
Check wording
men's
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
 in general decreased over the period ,
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
women
Correct word order
women's employment rate rose
show examples
employment
Use synonyms
 rate rised significantly
through
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the 14 years.
Men
Use synonyms
which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 contracts were full-time
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, had 53% from the total employees in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 during 1988
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
in contrast
Linking Words
, they decreased to
fourty seven
Correct your spelling
forty-seven
 in
2012
Punctuation problem
2012,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 the
men
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 had part-time job, were only 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the whole
employment
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
women
Check wording
women's
show examples
 (full-time) jobs were 19% in 1988 but, in 2012 , it jumbed to twinty six percent.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 had part-time contracts
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 from 22% to 20% during the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words employment, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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