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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some employers are placing increasing importance on hiring people with good social skills in addition to good qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree that social skills are as important as good qualifications for success in a job?

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Introduction
These days, employers often give more attention to both good qualifications and social
skills
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 when choosing new workers.
This
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 essay will discuss
this
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 and will confirm why I strongly believe that social
skills
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 are important.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, good qualifications are very necessary to achieve some goals in many jobs. People need knowledge and experience to fulfil their
work
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 correctly.
For instance
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, doctors need to be awareness from medical field experiences in order to treat humans safely.
In addition
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, people who have good qualifications can control
of
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the quality of
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 works continues as quality.
As a result
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,
this
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 person may succeed in their job. Without enough knowledge, even a person with good social
skills
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 may not be able to fulfil their job well.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that social
skills
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 are more important in the workplace. These days, employees need to communicate with their colleagues and especially with
customers
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, since good communication can improve their
work
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 as a team, solve problems and especially increase their sales.
Therefore
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, workers with good qualification
skills
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 can be better at relationships at
work
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 and achieve greater success in the workplace.
Moreover
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, good communication with
customers
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 may boost their sales and attract more
customers
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 good qualification
skills
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 may control
work
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 duration, I personally believe social knowledges are important because they help employees communicate with
customers
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 and attract more
customers
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.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. The question asks if social skills are as important as qualifications, but your essay says they are more important. Choose one clear view and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Explain each main idea in more depth. For example, say why a doctor needs training, and explain why social skills still matter for doctors when they talk to patients and work with other staff.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. Your doctor example is useful, but it needs a full link to your main point. You could also use a sales worker or team leader as an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. However, some ideas are repeated, especially about customers and sales. Add a new point instead of saying the same idea again.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences clearer. Use simple words such as “For this reason”, “However”, “Also”, and “This means” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Use “qualifications” and “social skills” throughout. Do not change them to unclear phrases like “qualification skills” or “social knowledges”.
coherence and cohesion
Write clearer topic sentences. For example: “Qualifications are needed for jobs that need special knowledge.” Then give one example and explain it before moving to the next point.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view.
task response
The example of doctors shows that you understand why qualifications are needed in some jobs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “Moreover” to organize your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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