IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Coffee is a very popular drink today. There are many famous franchise coffee shops opening up all over the world. Some say this threatens local coffee shops. What is the main threat to local coffee shops and can local coffee shops survive?

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Introduction
In many countries, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 an increasing number of international branded cafes opening. Some people think
this
Linking Words
 is
threating
Correct your spelling
threatening
 local coffee shop
brands
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 large
cafe
Use synonyms
brand
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brands
show examples
 can create issues for smaller local
Use synonyms
cafe's
Check wording
cafes
show examples
, I believe local
Use synonyms
cafe's
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cafes
show examples
 can still survive with their culture and tradition.
Body paragraph 1
The main threat that major
cafe
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brand
Correct subject-verb agreement
brands
show examples
 are giving to small local cafes is their spending power. They have huge
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
 support,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means it is very easy to open branches all around the country. Another threat is
there
Use the right word
their
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 marketing budget
this
Linking Words
 gives them almost unlimited resources to advertise on social media
platform
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platforms
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. When on social media, it is very hard not to notice
famouse
Correct your spelling
famous
cafe
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
brands
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brands'
show examples
 posts.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the loyalty schemes where customers can collect
point
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points
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 and redeem free coffee.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, local
caffe's
Correct your spelling
cafes
 can provide a wonderful atmosphere that includes
trditional
Correct your spelling
traditional
 and cultural food and drinks. They
also
Linking Words
 have excellent customer surivce
for example
Linking Words
, if you are a regular, the staff will start to remember you and what coffee you usually order, creating a lovely
atmospher
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the decoration of local
cafe
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's are very unique, unlike all major
brands
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 that look the same. Local customers prefer to support their local
brands
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they are part of their heritage.
Linking Words
Lastly
Punctuation problem
Lastly,
show examples
 the selection and quality of local
Use synonyms
cafe's
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cafes'
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 drinks are of
avery
Correct your spelling
a very
 high quality.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that the local branded
Use synonyms
cafe's
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cafes
show examples
 will not disappear in the future. The main reason is customer loyalty to local
brands
Use synonyms
 and
preffering
Correct your spelling
preferring
 the better customer experience.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain the main risk from large shops, and you explain why small shops can stay open. To make this stronger, choose one main threat and explain it more fully. For example, say that low prices, many shops, and large ads can take customers from small shops.
task response
Your ideas are clear, but some need more support. Add a short real-life example: a large chain may give free drinks through an app, while a small shop may keep people by making local food or by knowing each customer.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims, such as saying that local drinks are always very high quality. Explain why this may be true, such as fresh food, local beans, or staff skill.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow. Keep one clear main idea in each body part.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. You use words such as “Another”, “Furthermore”, “However”, and “Additionally”, which is good. But make sure each new point connects to the one before it. Group all threats together, then group all ways local shops can survive together.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not complete or are joined too closely. For example, change “They have huge financial support, this means...” to “They have huge financial support. This means...” Shorter sentences will make your ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words in a clear way. Choose “local coffee shops” or “local cafes” and use it throughout. Also use “large coffee chains” for big brands, rather than changing the name many times.
task response
You give a clear view from the start: local cafes can survive because of culture, tradition, and a better customer experience.
task response
The points about friendly staff, regular customers, and unique shop design are useful and fit the question well.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to understand: first the risk from large brands, then the strengths of local cafes, and then a final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending clearly repeats your main view and gives reasons for it.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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