In some countries, the number of university students studying science is decreasing. Some people believe the government should encourage more people to take science courses. Other people say that it is private industry's responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
There is a tendency among university applicants that fewer and fewer
number of
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apply
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students apply for science degrees. Some part of society considers private industry to be responsible for inspiring youth to move toward these fields.
However
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, others are sure that it is the
government
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government's
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duty. In my opinion, specialised establishments should tackle the problem on their own.
Body paragraph 1
The government has to deal with all surrounding duties, so
they
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it
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can't pay attention only to educational issues. The lack of development in narrow topics,
such
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as science don't motivate the youth
go
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to go
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to universities.
For instance
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, my country
is
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has been
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at war for two decades
and
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, and
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nowadays the top priority is not to improve the quality of educational opportunities.
For
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this
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reason, there is a
poor
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small
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number of people who are willing to get knowledge in scientific fields.
Also
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,not focusing on
scientific
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a scientific
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deegre
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degree
means an absence of applicants in the future. So, the government is obligated to promote
al nesasary
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all necessary
Body paragraph 2
However
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, other individuals are concerned that independent
organization
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organisations
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have to take care of the teaching process. The essence of the private
assistannce
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assistance
is better conditions,
such
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as all necessary tools and
specialized
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specialised
show examples
tutors with
knowledges
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knowledge
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.
For example
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, the number of parents
give
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who give
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priority to more expensive schools, because the
organization
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organisation
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will provide a student with all needs.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
specialized
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specialised
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training
better
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is better
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than the governmental general system.

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task response
Discuss both sides more fully. Explain what the government can do, such as give money to schools, offer free science places, and run public talks. Then explain what private firms can do, such as offer work, pay for labs, and show good jobs in science.
task response
Make your own view clear and keep it the same. You say private groups should solve the problem, but you also say the government is obligated to act. State if private groups should lead, or if both sides should share the work.
task response
Use examples that directly show how more students may choose science. The war example shows why a government may have other needs, but it does not clearly show why private firms are better at increasing science study.
task response
Finish the first main paragraph. The last sentence stops in the middle, so the idea is not complete. Add a clear result and link it to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, government view, private industry view, and conclusion. Give each paragraph one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a direct topic sentence. For example: “The government should encourage science students because it can support all public schools.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore”. Make sure each link shows the real relation between the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence control. Some sentences are incomplete or hard to follow, such as “specialized training better than the governmental general system.” Write full sentences with a clear subject and verb.
task response
You answer both views and give your own view in the introduction.
task response
You try to use examples from real life, including your country and parents choosing schools.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as “However” and example words such as “For instance” to guide the reader.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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