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Writing Samples
Band 5

According to those in travel business, the nature of every native holiday in changing. Rather than have a relaxing break, people want to challenge themselves to do adventure on their holidays. Do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 involved in the tourism industry are changing their view about the type of enjoyment
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the tourists
were having
Wrong verb form
had
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 in the past. These days, more
people
Use synonyms
 on their
holidays
Use synonyms
tends
Correct subject-verb agreement
tend
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 to be more adventurous, as compared to the old times, but still there is a chunk of society
,
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apply
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where they
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 still
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 their absence from work in the classical way. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint
,
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 and will elaborate on my views in the upcoming essay.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in past,
people
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 would take a break from their work, so that they could go to a place
,
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 where they could spend some leisure time. These places were generally away from their dwelling locations, and selection was based upon the type of activities
,
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 they would love to do at that place.
For instance
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, many folks considered warm beaches
,
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apply
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 if they were originally from the cold regions. They would ride some waves or just enjoy the sunlight.
This
Linking Words
 trend was very popular during the Christmas
holidays
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. These tours involved
generally
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apply
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families, and the journey was planned well ahead of time.
Body paragraph 2
Moving
further
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, the current generation wants more thrills during the break, rather than taking rest.
This
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 emotion of amusement
,
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apply
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 kicks adrenaline, and they feel thrilled. They try to get involved in the activities
,
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apply
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 that require more physical and mental strength. Social media plays
the
Correct article usage
a
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 crucial role in
this
Linking Words
 behaviour shift, as they want to share their amazing photos and videos, and
this
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 would increase their social media following.
For example
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, some
people
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 like cliff climbing, as it is more physically challenging. It requires more output from the body
,
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apply
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 than is required for daily work routines.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they want to create unforgettable memories lasting for a whole lifetime. The current technology has created homes more restful, as compared to history. These days, the interior conditions of a home are almost opposite than outside.
Therefore
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,
people
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 take rest at their houses, and take
holidays
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 to
do
Verb problem
go on
show examples
 adventures.
Hence
Linking Words
, the destinations for tourism have changed.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
People
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 have
holidays
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 to create memories ,and they choose these locations
according to
Linking Words
 the activities they wish to do.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way. Say that you agree that adventure travel is now more common, but that rest trips still have a place.
task response
Develop the first main idea more clearly. Explain why many people still choose a quiet beach, hotel, or family trip today, not only in the past.
task response
Your second main idea is useful: young people may want thrill, hard activity, and photos for social media. Add one clear, real-life example and explain how it shows the change in holidays.
task response
Keep the focus on the question. The point about homes being more restful is interesting, but it needs a clearer link to why people choose adventure trips.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: old travel, new travel, then a short ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body part. For example: “In the past, holidays were mainly for rest.” Then: “Today, many people choose adventure instead.”
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat or are not fully linked. Join each example to the main point with simple links such as “This shows that” and “As a result.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending stronger. Repeat your view and sum up both sides: adventure trips are growing, but quiet holidays are still popular.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear view that adventure holidays are becoming more popular.
task response
You give relevant reasons, such as the wish for thrill, challenge, photos, and long-lasting memories.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses separate parts for past holidays and present-day holidays, which gives the writing a clear shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples such as beaches and cliff climbing to help the reader understand your ideas.
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