IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You recently started attending a fitness centre, but your work schedule has changed and you can no longer attend at your usual time. Write a letter to the manager of the fitness centre. In your letter: explain how your work schedule has changed describe how this change affects your visits to the fitness centre ask whether your membership can be changed to give you more flexible access

5.0 / 9
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Dear Sir or Madam, I hope you are doing well. I am writing
this
Linking Words
 to inform you about my upcoming gym routine, which will be updated
due to
Linking Words
change
Correct article usage
a change
show examples
 in my
work
Use synonyms
schedule
Use synonyms
. My manager
promted
Correct your spelling
promoted
 me as
supervisor
Correct article usage
a supervisor
show examples
 from a cashier
last
Linking Words
 week.
As a result
Linking Words
, there will be more responsibilities and extra tasks that
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to be done before the deadline.
Also
Linking Words
, the training will be provided and require me to
work
Use synonyms
 overtime
now
Change preposition
from now
show examples
 onwards.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I can only attend a fitness centre three times a week
instead
Linking Words
 of five days.
In addition
Linking Words
, my
work
Use synonyms
schedule
Use synonyms
 will be 10 am to 7 pm
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 I can only come after my
work
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, my sleep
schedule
Use synonyms
 will change as I attend a gym late
night
Change preposition
at night
show examples
. I would appreciate it if you
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 change my
schedule
Use synonyms
 and give me flexible access so that I can attend anytime.
Accourding
Use the right word
According
show examples
 to the membership, I can freeze
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 I would like to
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
continue my fitness journey. I hope you understand
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Thank you so much Regards, swet

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task response
Explain the new work hours more clearly. Say when you worked before and why you now need to visit at a different time.
task response
Make your request more exact. Ask for a plan that lets you enter early in the morning, late at night, or at any time.
task response
Use more formal and clear words. For example, write “I was promoted to supervisor” and “I would like to continue my fitness plan.”
coherence and cohesion
Put each main point in its own paragraph: work change, effect on gym visits, and your request.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Also” is used many times; use “As a result” or “Therefore” to show the result of your new job hours.
coherence and cohesion
End the letter in a more complete way, such as “I look forward to your reply. Yours faithfully,” followed by your name.
task response
You cover all the key points: the new job, the effect on your visits, and a request for flexible access.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear opening, body paragraphs, and a polite request near the end.
coherence and cohesion
You give useful details, such as your new work hours and the number of days you can visit.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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