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Band 7

The chart below shows the average amount of time per day spent on two common leisure activities by people in different age groups in New Zealand.

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The chart below shows the average amount of time per day spent on two common leisure activities by people in different age groups in New Zealand.
The bar charts illustrate the number of times every day spent on reading for pleasure and listening to
music
Use synonyms
 by individuals aged 14 to 65+ in New Zealand.
Overall
Linking Words
, the amount of
minutes
Use synonyms
 spent on reading by
groups
Use synonyms
 aged 56-
65+
Check wording
65+
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 was the highest,
whereas
Linking Words
 in group 14 -24
age
Use synonyms
 was the lowest.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 for listening to
music
Use synonyms
 by
groups
Use synonyms
 aged 14–24 is given the most time, and
groups
Use synonyms
 aged 33–42 show the average use
at
Change preposition
of at
show examples
 least. In
groups
Use synonyms
 aged 14–24, teenagers spent
on
Change preposition
20 minutes
show examples
 reading for pleasure at 20
minutes
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
figure
Use synonyms
 for listening was four times as much at 80
minutes
Use synonyms
. 38
minutes
Use synonyms
 using to reading for pleasure by
groups
Use synonyms
 aged 25–32,
while
Linking Words
 the
figure
Use synonyms
 for listening to
music
Use synonyms
 by the same
groups
Use synonyms
 was slightly higher at 60
minutes
Use synonyms
 The average amount of both
groups
Use synonyms
 , 33 – 42
age
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 and 43 – 53
age
Use synonyms
 given the same
figure
Use synonyms
, with 42
minutes
Use synonyms
 for reading and 45
minutes
Use synonyms
 for listening , respectively. The
last
Linking Words
, in
groups
Use synonyms
 56 – 65+
age
Use synonyms
, older spent 65
minutes
Use synonyms
was
Correct pronoun usage
, which was
show examples
 2
minutes
Use synonyms
 lower than listening to
music
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, minutes, groups, age, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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