IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people get into debts by buying things they don't need and can't afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?

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Introduction
This
Linking Words
 essay will give the reasons why some people enjoy buying things
may not a
Correct word order
that may not be
show examples
 vital for their needs
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 others
d
Correct your spelling
think
it’s
Use synonyms
 a waste of money and time to order
non beneficial
Correct your spelling
non-beneficial
 items. From my point of view,
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
such
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 habits need to change to be more practical, effective and useful.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are several reasons behind
this
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 attitude.
Firstly
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;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 online shopping, which makes everything easy to buy and sometimes gives
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
show examples
 to pay later, and without going to
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
you
Punctuation problem
, you
show examples
will
Verb problem
can
show examples
 order your preferred items. Second
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 time saving for shopping is significant online versus shopping
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 markets. Third
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
it’s
Use synonyms
 a psychological part
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
for example
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, individuals feel positive when buying a new item. Those
encourage
Replace the word
encouraging
 feelings
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 mandatory to
succuss
Correct your spelling
succeed
in life.
Body paragraph 2
However
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,
on the other hand
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, Governments should
put
Verb problem
take
show examples
 some
actions
Check wording
action
show examples
 to prevent people from having
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this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
such
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 habits.
For example
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, awareness programs related to the paradigm
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 online shopping.
This
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 module will give an example
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 how people should ask themselves
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what and
to which
Change preposition
what
show examples
 is required to buy. Second educational program at schools for parents
as well as
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 for students to explain the disadvantages of these
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and the massive impact that can
avoid
Wrong verb form
be avoided
show examples
.
Prioritizing
Change the spelling
Prioritising
show examples
 the needs by
doing
Verb problem
making
show examples
 a list each month will focus on the essential needs and provide the right indication about shortage areas to improve.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
it’s
Use synonyms
 important to see
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 government has raised
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
knowledge
Check wording
awareness
show examples
 about buying un-necessity list or collections
which is
Correct subject-verb agreement
that are
show examples
 not useful
for
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 long term.
While
Linking Words
it’s
Use synonyms
also
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 a fact that these
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
will remain and cannot be eliminated.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give clear reasons for debt, such as easy credit, ads, social pressure, and poor planning. Then give clear actions, such as limits on credit ads, money lessons at school, and a monthly budget.
task response
Keep the main topic on debt. The essay often talks about online shopping and wasting time, but it should explain how buying leads to owing money that people cannot pay back.
task response
Develop each main idea with a short, clear example. For example, a person may use a pay-later plan for clothes, then find that their monthly bill is too high.
task response
Make your own view clear in the end. Say what action is most useful and why, rather than saying that the problem cannot be ended.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simpler plan: introduction; reasons for debt; actions to stop debt; conclusion. This will make the answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. Then explain it and add one example. Do not put many different ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way: 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'In conclusion'. Do not use a semicolon after words like 'Firstly' or 'Second'.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form and word choice. For example, write 'items that are not vital', 'people feel happy when they buy something new', and 'governments should take action'.
task response
You discuss both the causes of the problem and ways to reduce it.
task response
You give useful ideas, such as pay-later shopping, feelings when buying new things, school lessons, and making a monthly list.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as 'On the one hand', 'However', 'For example', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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