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Band 7.5

The bar chart gives information about the life expectancy in Japan, Korea, the United States, and Indonesia, and the table shows the change in life expectancy between 1953 and 2008.

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The bar chart gives information about the life expectancy in Japan, Korea, the United States, and Indonesia, and the table shows the change in life expectancy between 1953 and 2008.
The bar chart provides information about
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 in four different
countries
Use synonyms
 in 2008,
while
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 the table shows the growth rate of
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 in these
countries
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 during the period from 1953 to 2008.
Overall
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, these statistics exhibited different values across the given
countries
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; some,
such
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 as Japan, recorded the highest
life
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expectancy
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,
whereas
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 others, like Indonesia, registered the lowest share.
In addition
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, all nations experienced an increase in
life
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expectancy
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 during that period.
However
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, each value varied among the
countries
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. As the figures illustrate, Japanese people have the highest
life
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expectancy
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, standing at around 83
years
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.
This
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 was followed by individuals in Korea, who were 78
years
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 old, which was 5
years
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 lower than the previous one.
Thirdly
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, the United States population reached 76
years
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, which was close to the Korean population. People in Indonesia registered the lowest value, recording only 70
years
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.
On the other hand
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, Indonesia witnessed a rise of 15.7
years
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; meanwhile, there was a growth of 12.5
years
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 in Korea.
Finally
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, both the United States and Japan showed no noticeable rise, and they did not exceed 3.5
years
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.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words life, expectancy, countries, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • increase
  • decrease
  • country
  • data
  • change
  • years
  • population
  • health
  • improvement
  • trend
  • highest
  • lowest
  • average
  • chart
  • table
  • information
  • compare
  • significant
  • steady
  • approximately
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