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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some cities ban private cars from entering the center and force people to use bicycle and buses. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages.

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Introduction
As we
know
Punctuation problem
know,
show examples
 pollution is the most common debate topic
,
Punctuation problem
. Due
show examples
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, they not only take action and ban private
vehicle
Check wording
vehicles
show examples
 in
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 cities from entering the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
,but
also
Linking Words
 put
presure
Correct your spelling
pressure
 on individuals to use public
transports
Check wording
transport
show examples
instead
Linking Words
.
According to
Linking Words
 me , there are more demerits of
this
Linking Words
other
Change preposition
apply
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than
merit
Check wording
merits
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,there are benefits of using
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 or
bus
Correct article usage
a bus
show examples
 to
comute
Correct your spelling
commute
. As
this
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 can
helpful
Verb problem
be helpful
show examples
 to reduce the level of
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
.
However
Linking Words
,using other
ways
Use synonyms
 of travelling can be the
chosice
Correct your spelling
choice
 of
themseleve
Correct your spelling
themselves
. NO one can force anybody on
this
Linking Words
. Because
,
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apply
show examples
driving a private car to reach somewhere can be
more
Correct article usage
a more
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 effective way to
reasch
Correct your spelling
reach
 on
time
Use synonyms
 save some
time
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 hectic
sechule
Correct your spelling
school
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a office going person can save
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 by using persnol vehicle rather than a bus . where he
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to wait for
bus
Correct article usage
the bus
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 on stop .
Then
Linking Words
its
Use the right word
it's
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 gonna stop on every other stop to provide its
survice
Correct your spelling
service
.So, rather than wasting
time
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 procces he can
foccus
Correct your spelling
focus
 on other important tasks.
Body paragraph 2
Moreover
Linking Words
,other than forcing
someone
Punctuation problem
someone,
show examples
 there are
numbers
Check wording
a number
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 of other
ways
Use synonyms
 to
influance
Correct your spelling
influence
 them from other
ways
Use synonyms
 of
comuting
Correct your spelling
computing
.
For example
Linking Words
 , they can show them the benefits of cycling
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
realed
Correct your spelling
related
 to health.If they start using
Correct article usage
a cycle
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cycle
Punctuation problem
cycle,
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 it will help
Linking Words
then
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 reduce carbs and can work as daily body
excesice
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
along with
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can
beneficial
Verb problem
be beneficial
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 for enviroment as it can decrease the air pollution. because of
this
Linking Words
, higher
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
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 do not have to ban it and force
other
Replace the word
others
.
public
Correct article usage
The public
show examples
 will
chosse
Correct your spelling
choose
 alternatives
instead
Linking Words
.
Punctuation problem
,
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 which can autometicaly dropped the usage of
persnol
Correct your spelling
personal
 vehicles
Conclusion
in conculation
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
,
ban
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 and forcing
other
Replace the word
others
 may not have that
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 advantages
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 there
other
Verb problem
are other
show examples
ways
Use synonyms
 to promote alternatives
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can helpfull for enviroments and health

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Task response
You answer the main question and give a clear view that the bad points are stronger. However, explain more fully why the policy can be hard for people. For example, talk about old people, parents with small children, workers who start late, or people who live far from bus stops.
Task response
Give a fairer view of both sides before you decide. The essay says buses and bikes can cut air pollution, but this good point is quite short. Add ideas such as less noise, safer roads, and fewer traffic jams. Then compare these with the problems.
Task response
Your office-worker example is linked to your point, but make it more exact. Explain that a bus may take much longer because the worker must walk to the stop, wait, and change buses. Also note that city centers may have heavy traffic, so a car is not always faster.
Task response
Be careful with your main idea in the second body part. It talks about ways to make people cycle, rather than the direct good and bad points of banning cars. Link it back clearly: these softer ways may reduce the need for a full ban.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction; good points of the ban; bad points of the ban; conclusion with your final choice. This will make your answer easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. For example: “A car ban can greatly cut pollution in city centers.” Then explain it and give an example. In the next paragraph, begin: “However, a full ban can make daily travel hard for some people.”
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. “However” should show a clear opposite idea. Use “First,” “In addition,” “For example,” and “As a result” to show the order of your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and join many ideas with commas. Make them shorter. This will make the meaning clear and help each point stand on its own.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion stronger. State directly whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, then give one short reason. Do not add a new main idea there.
Task response
You give a clear personal view from the start and keep the same view in the conclusion.
Task response
You use a useful real-life example of an office worker who may need to save travel time.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
Coherence and cohesion
You try to use signposts such as “To begin with,” “Moreover,” “For instance,” and “In conclusion.”
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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