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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the natural resources such as oil, forest and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. what problems does it cause? how can we solve these problems?

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Introduction
There is a global alarming rate
due to
Linking Words
 the high
consuming
Replace the word
consumption
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural resources,
such
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 as oil,forests and clean water supply .I will discuss in
this
Linking Words
 essay the main issues and give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
possible solutions .
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, the main obstacles that
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 all of
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 problems are
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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the unhealthy way of consuming goods.
More
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
further
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, many
countries
Use synonyms
 dream
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 industrial and effective nations , so
as a result
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, they take the easy path , by building factories ,seaports and industrial cities that are not friendly with our
enviroments
Correct your spelling
environment
.
For instance
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,
countries
Use synonyms
 like India and
Bangladish
Correct your spelling
Bangladesh
 are known
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their industrial cities that contain thousands of
unenviromental
Correct your spelling
unenvironmental
 factories which
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 pollution disasters .
Moreover
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,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
highly consuming goods and limited renewable resources
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 will cause serious future issues.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, as a rightful solution,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
show examples
 to concetrate how to join
the environment
Replace the word
environmental
 health in the development plans within certain methods.
Instead
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 of using fossil fuel use renewable energy
as
Change preposition
, such as
show examples
 air and water power .
Also
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, build your industrial cities within
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
specific
requirments
Correct your spelling
requirements
 and equipment in a
healther
Correct your spelling
healthier
 concept to the nature around.
For example
Linking Words
, Germany relieded in using renewable
enrgy
Correct your spelling
energy
 as a main source of energy ,
put
Verb problem
imposed
show examples
 high fees
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 gasoline cars and built
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industrial buildings within an environmental structure. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 ,
A healther
Correct your spelling
a healthier
 country with
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 pollution problems.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
no body
Correct your spelling
nobody
 argues
to not build
Change preposition
against building
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 and
improve
Wrong verb form
improving
show examples
citizens
Check wording
citizens'
show examples
 lives , but
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also we
Correct word order
we also
show examples
 need to be aware of our natural resources , because environments don't
last
Linking Words
 forever . Build and develop
countries
Use synonyms
 within an environmental plan rather than taking the easy path.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain the problems in a clear way, such as loss of clean air and water, less food, and higher costs for people.
task response
Give more than one solution and say who should act. For example, governments can make laws, and people and firms can use less water and energy.
task response
Make each example clearly support your point. The Germany example is useful, but explain how its actions reduce the use of oil and cut pollution.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction, one paragraph on problems, one paragraph on solutions, and a conclusion. Your first body paragraph mixes causes and problems.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words like 'For example', 'As a result', and 'However' are good, but make sure the next sentence matches the link.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Shorter sentences will make your meaning more clear.
task response
You discuss both the problems and the ways to solve them, so the essay answers the full question.
task response
You use real country examples, which helps show your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some clear linking words, such as 'To begin with', 'For instance', and 'To conclude'.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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