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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table data shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the United Kingdom in 2005.

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The table data shows the proportion of income adults and children spent on 4 common items in the United Kingdom in 2005.
The table gives information about the proportion of
in come
Correct your spelling
income
 adults and
children
Use synonyms
 spent on 4 common items, food, Electronic equipment,
music
Use synonyms
, and
videos
Use synonyms
 in
th
Correct your spelling
the
 United
kingdom
Capitalize the proper name
Kingdom
show examples
, in the period 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
item
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
 in the table is 41% in
music
Use synonyms
 by
children
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
item
Use synonyms
number
Use synonyms
 is 0.5% in
videos
Use synonyms
 by
women
Use synonyms
. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of
rise
Replace the word
rising
 numbers, like
women
Use synonyms
 in
section
Correct article usage
the section
show examples
 food
is increase
Wrong verb form
has increased
show examples
 to 39%,
while
Linking Words
 Electronic equipment,
children
Use synonyms
 jump to 35%,
also
Linking Words
Music
Use synonyms
 rise by
children
Use synonyms
 to 41%,
videos
Use synonyms
 shine
by
Change preposition
among
show examples
 boys to 20%.
the
Capitalize the word
The
show examples
 lowest
number
Use synonyms
 was 0.5%
videos
Use synonyms
item
Use synonyms
 by
women
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 there are some items with unchanged
, like
Check wording
numbers, like
show examples
videos
Use synonyms
 with adults and men,
also
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 with
music
Use synonyms
item
Use synonyms
 declined to 2%،
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
adults
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
is
Change preposition
of adults is
show examples
 closer to
Use synonyms
women
Correct pronoun usage
that of women
show examples
 it is 4% and men only
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 to only 5%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 75%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, music, videos, item, number, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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