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Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram below shows the production and processing of milk and dairy products for commercial sale.

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The diagram below shows the production and processing of milk and dairy products for commercial sale.
The diagram illustrates the steps and equipment involved in the production and processing of
milk
Use synonyms
 and
dairy
Use synonyms
 products for commercial sale.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process consists of 8 distinct stages, beginning with cows grazing and ending with selling
milk
Use synonyms
 in
store
Correct article usage
a store
show examples
.
Initially
Linking Words
, cows are raised on farms and milked by a milking machine twice a day. The fresh
milk
Use synonyms
 is
then
Linking Words
 stored in refrigerated storage tanks. After that, it is collected by a
milk
Use synonyms
 tanker and delivered to a
dairy
Use synonyms
 for
further
Linking Words
 processing. At the
dairy
Use synonyms
, the
milk
Use synonyms
 is processed into different products. Some of it is
pasteurized
Change the spelling
pasteurised
show examples
 and packaged as
milk
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the rest is used to produce cheese, cream and butter.
Finally
Linking Words
, these
dairy
Use synonyms
 products are transported to supermarkets and shops for commercial sale

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk, dairy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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