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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many schools and universities today, women have a tendency to study the humanities (such as the arts and languages) while men more often major in science-related subjects.What do you think are the reasons? Do you think that this tendency should be changed?

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Introduction
In recent years, the topic of qualities for males and females has emerged as a significant concern for the general public.
While
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 some individuals contend that some special
jobs
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 are suitable for
men
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 and some for
women
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, I maintain that both sexes should have equal job opportunities.
This
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 essay will elucidate these differing perspectives.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, having many reasons why people believe that
men
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 and
women
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 are suitable for different
jobs
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. A crucial consideration is that physical, which highlights that males are generally stronger than females.
For example
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, it is noteworthy that
men
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 can do heavy work, like construction work, carrying, which requires suitable physical strength, and may be suitable for
men
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.
In addition
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, another important point to emphasise is social bias.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that
women
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 are more friendly and patient , which makes them suitable for taking care of children, or as
anurse
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a nurse
.
However
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, these qualities are not for either gender.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that both genders should have an equal opportunity to career. A significant factor to explore is that nowadays, both
men
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 and
women
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 have access to highly educated
.
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people.
show examples
 To illustrate
this
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 perspective, one might refer to the rate of studying at university, where
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women
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the rate for women
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 may be higher than
men
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. So, we should not discriminate by gender in job opportunities.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that people should be free to choose their careers on their skills, favourites, and qualifications.
This
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 assertion is supported by the fact that if they have the necessary training and love, they can perform their
jobs
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 efficiently.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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men
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 and
women
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 have different physical
,
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apply
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 qualities. I disagree that certain
jobs
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 are suitable only for one sex. I believe that individuals should have equal opportunity to have the best job.

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task response
Answer the real question more closely. The topic is about women choosing arts and languages, and men choosing science. Your essay is mainly about jobs for men and women. Explain why study choices may be different, such as family views, school ideas, role models, and likes.
task response
Give a clear answer to the second question. Say if this study pattern should change, then explain why. For example, say that girls and boys should be free to study any subject they like, because skill and interest matter more than sex.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic. Instead of construction work and child care, write about a girl who chooses engineering because she likes maths, or a boy who studies languages because he wants to work in travel.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the first part talks about different jobs, while the second part talks about equal chances. Keep both parts focused on subjects at school and university.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main idea clear with a simple topic sentence. Then explain it and give one fitting example. Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, and “However” are enough. Some phrases, such as “A crucial consideration is that physical”, are not clear and make the flow hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form and word choice so your meaning is clear. For example, write “men are often physically stronger”, “an opportunity to choose a career”, “access to higher education”, and “based on their skills and interests”.
task response
You give a clear view that men and women should have equal chances.
task response
You try to give reasons and examples for your ideas, such as physical strength and social views.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “On the one hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
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