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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows what history gradutes did after completing their undergraduate degree course from a university in the UK. The table shows the sectors these graduates were rmployed in within six years of graduating and their average incomes.

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The chart below shows what history gradutes did after completing their undergraduate degree course from a university in the UK. The table shows the sectors these graduates were rmployed in within six years of graduating and their average incomes.
The pie graph gives information about the History
graduates
Use synonyms
 from a university in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, after graduating from
undergraduate
Correct article usage
an undergraduate
show examples
 degree
course
Punctuation problem
course,
show examples
 what they were doing.
While
Linking Words
,
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 table chart illustrates
within
Punctuation problem
, within
show examples
 six years of their
graduation
Punctuation problem
graduation,
show examples
 in which sectors they worked
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
average
Change preposition
with average
show examples
 incomes in pounds sterling.
Overall
Linking Words
, more than half of the
graduates
Use synonyms
 started full-time
Use synonyms
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, only
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
graduates
Use synonyms
 started part-time
Use synonyms
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
. In
table
Correct article usage
the table
show examples
 chart,
history
Correct article usage
the history
show examples
 teacher profession was
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 popular among these
graduates
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
,
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 solicitor's average income is much higher than others. In terms of first
cgart
Correct your spelling
career
, in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
, more than 50% undergraduates after
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 course started
full-time
Correct article usage
a full-time
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 12% undergraduates
recorded
Verb problem
were
show examples
 unemployed, followed by 6% unknown, and only 15% were doing
part-time
Correct article usage
a part-time
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. Interestingly, around 11%
graduates
Use synonyms
 started full - part time postgraduate studies. With regards to the table graph, only 6% and 9%
graduates
Use synonyms
 worked in
archaeologist
Correct article usage
the archaeologist
show examples
 and historian field;
whereas
Linking Words
, history
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 accounted for 30%, others 37%, and
solicitor
Fix the agreement mistake
solicitors
show examples
 only 18%.
Historian's
Check wording
Historians
show examples
 were earning
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 income
$
Punctuation problem
, $
show examples
49000, but
archaeologist
Check wording
archaeologists'
show examples
 earnings were
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
just
Punctuation problem
, just
show examples
 below 30000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduates, job with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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