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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the best way to solve traffic congestion is to increase the cost of fuel for cars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The traffic jams
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 many reasons, and many people suffer from
this
Linking Words
 problem everyday specialy who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
 in the city. But,
rising
Verb problem
raising
show examples
 the
prices
Use synonyms
 of the
fuel
Use synonyms
 is the worst choice
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be made. In my opinion, I disagree with rising the price of
fuel
Use synonyms
 will reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
congestion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, if the government changed the price of
fuel
Use synonyms
, the
prices
Use synonyms
 of many products
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 increase
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of food
,
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 plastic.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the cost of
fuel
Use synonyms
 depends on the oil stock in the country and
also
Linking Words
 the
globle
Correct your spelling
global
 market.
In addition
Linking Words
, not all types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cars use
fuel
Use synonyms
there
Punctuation problem
; there
show examples
 is an electrical cars which use electricity
instead
Linking Words
 of
fuel
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue can be reduced by multi ways without rising the price of oil. For
exapmle
Correct your spelling
example
,the government can build a train which can transport people
throw
Use the right word
through
show examples
 the city, the
industrail
Correct your spelling
industrial
 areas participate in the traffic congestion, which
some
Verb problem
causes some
show examples
 cities close to
this
Linking Words
 area which makes the havey trucks
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
this
Linking Words
 road
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it moves slowly, but the government should
moves
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
 the industrial areas to place which far away form city to reduce
this
Linking Words
 problem.
In addition
Linking Words
, making the time of working for employees more flixible whill helps to
decreasing
Wrong verb form
decrease
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, I disagree with increase
fuel
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 is the best way to solve traffic jams
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 there are more reasonable
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
,
using
Change preposition
such as using
show examples
train
Check wording
trains
show examples
,
moves
Wrong verb form
moving
show examples
 the industrial areas and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the time of work more
flixible
Correct your spelling
flexible
. If the
prices
Use synonyms
 increased there are many consequences
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
the
Change preposition
such as the
show examples
 value of many products will increase.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree that higher fuel prices are the best answer. Explain this view more fully. Show why higher prices may not cut traffic, for example because many people still need to drive to work.
task response
Give more detail for each main point. The point about food and plastic prices is useful, but explain how higher fuel costs lead to higher shop prices.
task response
Use one clear, real-life example. For example, say that a worker who lives far from work may still have to use a car even when fuel costs more.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Make each body part focus on one main idea only. The second body part has several ideas, so it is hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put your ideas in a clearer order: first explain why fuel price rises are not the best way; then explain better ways, such as trains, work times, and moving factories.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words used in the right way, such as “because”, “therefore”, “for example”, and “however”. Do not start too many sentences with “In addition”.
coherence and cohesion
Make references clear. Instead of “this issue” or “this problem” many times, use clear words such as “traffic congestion” when needed.
task response
You answer the main question directly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
task response
You give several possible answers to traffic problems, including trains, different work times, and moving industrial areas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphs, and the conclusion repeats your main view and key ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use linking words such as “To begin with”, “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “To conclude”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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