IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

It is said that men are more privileged than women in their work places and in transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

2.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
I don't say yes to it, because in my
hometown
Punctuation problem
hometown,
show examples
actually
Punctuation problem
actually,
show examples
 women
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more privileged than
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 if we talk about
work
Use synonyms
 place and transport, there is
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 place called
wowen
Correct your spelling
women's
 space.
This
Linking Words
room
Use synonyms
 can be
enter
Wrong verb form
entered
show examples
 by
wowen
Correct your spelling
women
 only with no men allowed.
This
Linking Words
room
Use synonyms
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 only
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
placed in
Use synonyms
work spaces
Correct your spelling
workspaces
,
there
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
in
Verb problem
used in
show examples
 public transport. The reason behind
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
this
Linking Words
 type of
room
Use synonyms
 is wowen can feel more
secured
Replace the word
secure
 if
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 is only
girl
Correct article usage
a girl
show examples
 in the
room
Use synonyms
 rather than
has
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 to be with
Use synonyms
man
Correct article usage
a man
show examples
. A lot of sexual harrasment being the number 1 reason for making those
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 girls
also
Linking Words
 think that
man
Use synonyms
 has more privileged,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 in some
work
Use synonyms
 places their only accept a guy rather than a
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 that
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
involves
show examples
 using
your muscle
Check wording
muscles
show examples
.
Conclusion
But if we talk about equals, it is a
way
Correct word choice
long way
show examples
far
Change preposition
from what
show examples
then
Linking Words
 it should be. It can turn into feminism for some people. Despite
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being
disagree
Replace the word
different
,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 can tell that it should be a
border
Check wording
boundary
show examples
 for women and
Use synonyms
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 in public spaces, so all of us can feel
more safe
Replace the word
safer
 and can enjoy our travel more.

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task response
State your view in the first lines in a clear way. For example: “I mostly disagree because women have some special spaces, but men still have more chances in some jobs.”
task response
Answer both parts of the topic: work and transport. Give one full main point for work and one full main point for transport.
task response
Explain why each example matters. After the women-only room example, say how this shows safety support, but also say if it means women have more power or only more protection.
task response
Your last idea about a border between men and women is not clear. Say what kind of space you mean, why it is needed, and how it would help all people.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: first say your view; then write about work; then write about transport; finally restate your view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. The first main paragraph mixes work places and transport. Split these ideas so the reader can follow them more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the order of ideas: “First”, “For example”, “However”, “In transport”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Make your links more exact. “Although” starts a contrast, but the next idea needs a full clear contrast. You could write: “However, men may have an advantage in jobs that need a lot of physical strength.”
task response
You give a clear real-life example of women-only spaces in work places and public transport.
task response
You also show the other side by saying that men may be chosen for some jobs that need physical strength.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing has a main order: women’s safety spaces first, men’s job chances next, and your final view at the end.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use contrast words such as “Although” and “Despite”, which shows that you are linking different views.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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