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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below give information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the year 1990 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

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The chart below give information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for the year 1990 and 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
THE BAR CHART ILLUSTRATES PERCENTAGE OF BRITISH PEOPLE GIVING MONEY TO NGOS BY
AGE
Use synonyms
 FROM 1990 TO 2010.
OVERALL
Linking Words
,
IT IS CLEAR THAT
Linking Words
,
Correct determiner usage
THE
show examples
 36-50
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUPS
Use synonyms
 RECOREDED HIGHEST FIGURES IN 1990,
WHEREAS
Linking Words
 THE 18-25
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUPS
Use synonyms
 HAD THE LOWEST.
IN ADDITON
Correct your spelling
In addition
, IN 2010,
51
Add an article
the 51
show examples
-65
AGE
Use synonyms
 HAD HIGHEST PERCENTAGE,
Linking Words
WHILE
Correct word choice
while the
show examples
 18-25 RECORDED THE LOWEST. LOOKING FIRST AT 18-25, THE FIGURE STOOD AT 15% IN 1990 AND 6% IN 2010, WHICH WAS LOWER IN
OVERALL
Linking Words
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUPS
Use synonyms
.
SIMILARY
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, 26-35
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUPS
Use synonyms
 RECORDED 32% AND 21% FROM 1990 TO 2020.
Moreover
Linking Words
, IN 36-50, HIGHEST CHARTIY HAD SHOWN IN
THIS
Linking Words
 GROUP IN YEAR 1990 WITH 40% AND IN 2010, IT WAS 35%. TURNING TO THE REMAINING CATEGORIES, 51-65,ACCOUNTED FOR 35%,
WHILE
Linking Words
 IN
2010
Punctuation problem
2010,
show examples
 STOOD AT 39% ACCOUNTED FOR THE LARGEST PROPORTION. THE FIGURE FOR 65PLUS WAS 32% IN 1990 AND 35% IN 2010 , WHICH WAS EQUIVALENT TO THE 36-50
AGE
Use synonyms
GROUPS
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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